Everything fallen to pieces

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theresa, Jan 10, 2012.

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  1. theresa

    theresa Member

    Such an awful sense of hopelessness plus feeling a total worthless human being lost it all and all I did was fall to pieces
    just wanted to say
    theresa
     
  2. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    hey theresa, welcome. what made you feel this way?
     
  3. theresa

    theresa Member

    marriage fell to pieces caught husband cheating dx complex ptsd just shattered
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that Theresa.
    Are you now living apart?
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i hope you have supports needed to get thru this trauma dam eh Keep talking hun let us know how you are doing okay I am here anytime if you want to pm me hugs
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Theresa,I'm sorry to hear your husband cheated on you, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Is that what you have PTSD from or something else? :hug:
     
  7. theresa

    theresa Member

    Thanks Cpt Fantastic, Windlepoons, total eclipse and Inmemoryofyou for response and hugs

    As for husband I told him to get out and he ran out of the door I despise him for the pain he has caused me

    Ptsd is from rape 3 years ago plus childhood abuse which was brought to surface from the rape

    Feel so empty
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear that happened, that's an awful burden placed upon you and your thoughts. But please try and think positively. I was raped when I was 12..so I can relate in that aspect, I hope you find this forum helps even if its just to let it all out! much love, lynn x
     
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Well done for taking such difficult action Theresa. Despising him is the correct response.
    In these things, childhood abuse, rape and cheating, you are the victim. They have damaged your sense of worth, and that is understandable but remember they do not reflect on you.

    Keep talking to us, Theresa. What are your plans for the future? Do you work?
     
  10. theresa

    theresa Member

    Inmemoryofyou

    Sorry for what happened to you. I really want to use this forum positively but my whole sense of worth has been ruined. I find everything such a struggle.

    Thank you for your support
     
  11. theresa

    theresa Member

    windlepoons

    I was not going to accept his actions as my fault. I know I would never have done what he has done and as far as I am concerned he is dead, gone, right out of my life. Sadly that does not ease the pain or heartbreak. I feel actually numb now. Spent last week just confined in my home and avoided all contact with anyone. I do work but took week off as A/L and just might not even bother going back. Just want to keep away from people at the moment. Sorry taken so long to reply just so @@@@@@ numb.

    thanks for listening
     
  12. theresa

    theresa Member

    Just shows how important we are not
     
  13. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    At least your not going to accept his actions as your own fault. That's true that he did that and lets just leave it at that. I can see why would would kick him out of your life which seems like a good thing to do. I'm sorry that it's not easing your pain or heartbreak. At least your staying open with us by sharing your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. It shows that you are being proactive with your emotions which seem quite normal. It's alright that it took you a long time to reply. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me at anytime, and it's understandable that you want to avoid people for the moment. :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  14. theresa

    theresa Member

    he even took loans out of over £24,000 forged my name on the contracts i was very ill I had just failed at my first suicide attempt only because I drank alcohol with the pills, nurses in their loving kind way said next time drink water anyway I have digressed at the time not knowing what was going on I have no recall of signing as a second signature any of these documents and even one of their own fraud lawyer admits the signature is nothing like mine, the other one also has a signature but not mine, You have got to be blind to even say the signatures look similar, so what can I do i am so @@@@ by his selfish actions and then not paying what he owes
    How did I ever get involved with this cheat and fraudster for over 25 years i must have been so out of it with the medication how could someone who sat on his butt for over twenty years be very cruel and heartless to some one they loved i worked will he lay around always ill not just little things big stuff 3 heart attacks, 2 bypass surgeries, leukaemia of the blood,two mini strokes, one c.v.a., and lots more when he first became ill i would wash him every day, dress and undress him, feed him, take his weight so he could walk with me holding him, stand up for him when he was so low and just not able to speak, I worked nights so he had me to assist him all day. even when he was in hospital i would go straight to the hospital and wash him, feed him and make him comfortable then go back to work. it was very difficult and has been on and off like this for over twenty two years
    I had a complete breakdown due to the rape of five men and memories of horrific childhood abuse started to come forward into my mind hence dx complex PTSD
    I am so hopeless and I want to die this very night
    feel such a stupid fool for loving him caring for him and never once did i begrudge doing all this for him BUT now i curse every day i helped, cared, loved, supported my self centred b of a husband
    do you know what he said two months before i caught him out -------- why cant i just get over the rape, pull myself together---------i wanted to scream please help me do not keep knocking me down-----------------he then said i don't love you anymore, i can't and don't want to look after some messed up bitch so pull yourself together---------- and it cut like a knife into my heart
    made me feel worthless, so useless, things that i have recalled are awful but for him to say i caused the rape myself hit deep, i was visiting him in hospital that night, from the hospital i went to work and when i went into the car park i was attacked from behind and thrown into back of a van. It hurts so much to think that i supported him in everything and he couldn't just support me in this i must be such a rotten person god everything is so tender right now i would love to just die what a release it would be
     
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