everything going pear shaped

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#1
(this is a stream of consiousness (dunno how to spell that word) cuz i dont ave much time nd i basically need 2 let everything out. sorry)

i think (i never quite know with these things) i may be at the end of my eating disorder. and, well, i hate it.
because im in skool again i eat with everybody else (less, and not as frequently) but food all the same. then when i get home im hungry from working and shit and eat dinner. i try not to but i cant stop myself. im so scared about putting on weight. i really dont want to. i want to lose another 2 stone (or at least 1 nd a half). but even before skool started again i couldnt seem to shift any more weight.

i know i need to be eating. im doing AS's nd i want to do well (im a nerd like that). but i dont want to be. i want to be thin and do well at the same time. doesnt work like that though does it?

another huge fear i ave is that my much loved :)dry:) Binge Eating Disorder will return. it was hell. just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. i would rather fail my A levels than ever face BED again (and believe me, that is a big deal for a swot like me).

also how does everything deal with people asking if you've lost weight? i personally cant stand it. surely i should be really proud that people r noticing?? im really not though. i absolubtly hate it when people ask me. it makes me feel really really really really huge. i doubt this makes sense cuz i dont even understand it. just wondering if anybody else cant stand people asking//telling u that???

anyway thanks 4 listening. xoxox
 
#2
Im glad that you are eating again. I hope that works out, and that you keep it up. I like when people think I look better, but when they outright say that it looks like Im thinner, it makes me feel like I was huge earlier, and that if they said nothing then, that they must be thinking the same now. Basically, I get what you are saying. Good luck with recovering and such.
 
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