Where to start? Well lets see my Family has banned me from them, because a $3000 camera went missing, and i got blamed for it because of some stupid stuff i did when i was in middle school and i was there that day. But i didn't take it. My fiancée of 10 years left me but because I'm banned from my family I have to stay with her because I have nowhere else to go. To make it worse shes now dating a guy who lives in Denmark who she she was with before she dumped me, and he is here visiting. And since she is still sleeping with me when hes not around, shes making me pretend to be her gay friend who lives with her so she doesn't lose him. It's so hard to see them together. The worst part is i get to babysit the kids while they go upstairs to what used to be our room together for hrs at a time. Ive lost my job about 6 months ago been looking for work ever since have found nothing bills are coming all around me and I feel like I'm drowning. I can't seem to find work anywhere the only thing I found was door to door sales entirely on commission. My Ex's parents do everything in their power to turn my 2 daughters against me telling them I'm worthless and a bum. The other day she came up to me and asked me "daddy why are u such a lazy bum?" . Nearly broke my heart. All I ever wanted in life was a job, to grow old with my ex. Raise our 2 beautiful girls. To be a good husband and father. To be Happy. But Thats not gonna happen for me. I guess I must have done something really bad in my life I can't remember because I must not deserve Happiness. So every part of my life is fallen down around me. And I never used to have thoughts of killing myself before but now I its all I can think about. I stop myself before i break skin but I've started playing with knives on my wrists. Trying to desensitize myself i guess. What should I do I feel like every part of my life is being taken from me then rubbed in my face. It takes all my power to stop from crying, I hold in the tears when anyone else is around. But i find myself going for walks at night just to let some of them out. I needed to get this off my chest. Any advice would be very much appreciated.