Everything is a disaster in my Life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eduardo, Sep 15, 2009.

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  1. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    I'm 20. I really don't know where to start. I study Banking. I speak 3 languages: English, Italian and Spanish. I had thought about suicide before but never like now that is one of the options to stop all the pain inside of me.

    First: My country is in a deep social crisis. This is the worst country in the world. Homicide rate is extremely high (20 per 100,000 people), we have a lot of poverty, we have a lot of social unrest and social tension. There's a high inflation. Crime in most part is because of drug-related issues and now An International organized Mafia is trying to set up in the country.

    Second: I got problems trying to relate with people. I have problems at work, with my family.

    Third: I'm gay and this is not the most liberal country in the world. Even if homophobia has decreased somehow. I'd like to live in a country where I can walk on the streets (well, It's dangerous to walk on the streets in here) holding hands with the man I love.

    What stops me from killing myself? Not my family, not my friends but the fear that I could go to hell or something of that sort.
    Requirements to get out of the country are too high. Australia seems a wonderful place: low crime, great economic stability (well, the recession will go away some day) and it's not 100% liberal about gay rights but at least it's tolerant. But I'm afraid I will never have the requirements to go out. It will take some time until I get my degree, then My Master, I have to save money...
    It's hard

    I think that I should be taking the time to decide if I jump off a bridge or take warfarine (poison). I work in a building (4th floor). I can remember last year I was at the balcony and I thought about killing myself during my lunch
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    sounds bad. but it also seems if you work hard enough you can escape it. dont let your countrys problems reflect upon you.
  3. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    Hello eduardo --

    It sounds like you know why you are depressed (at least partly) and you have an idea how to make things better (go to another country). So that's two pieces of knowledge you have going for you. Just out of curiousity, is it possible for you to transfer to a different area inside the country where you might be more comfortable, or at least see a change? That might only be a temporary solution, but it's an idea.

    You sound like you can see a future, but maybe you just need to get out of your circumstances.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member


    your 20. you still have along time to get into a relationship.
    i think you should just keep doing for you, your education foremost.

    im not sure why you cant relate to ppl. are you being defensive ?
    i dont know. maybe a good honest talk with yourself might help you with that.

    as far as the way ppl think about you or anyone else being gay ... im not gay, but you know .... if you stand up for what you believe in ... thats the only way you will get through it.
    we all know, there are places that dont entertain gay rights. its could be a struggle for you. but if thats what you ... then you have to stick to your guns and stand up for yourself.

    i wish you the best at everything.

  5. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    Thanks for your reply. Yes, I know the reasons why I'm depressed and that could be part of the solution. There are some other provinces that have less crime but the best job opportunities are in the capital city that is a big city full of pollution and crime... so ... It's not much I can do about that

    Yes, The most important part is that I know I'm a human being and I have the same rights any other people should have. No more no less. My family and few friends have been really supportive.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2009
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad to hear you have a support system. That can be crucial. I don't understand about the requirements to get out of the country, but what requirements do you need to meet? What makes them so difficult? I hope you are able to figure something out to help you get out of your current situation that does not include the option of huting yourself. :hug:
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