everything is already over

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by fromthatshow, Jul 8, 2008.

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  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    except my life

    In high school I couldn't wait to get out. In college I couldn't wait to get out. Any job I've had, I couldn't wait to get out. Well, I'm out. Now what? Not too long ago I got myself a job almost entirely for the purpose of quitting.

    I had bands. We've played our last shows. I've had girlfriends, we had our last kiss. I've said goodbye to everything, but there is nothing new to replace what I had.

    I was so happy for everything I've known to end, but my life continues. I've never truly been happy my entire life, and to do something that might bring me happiness, well how do you do something you cannot even conceive of?

    Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to live for. I used to live soley for the girls that I've been with. All through high school I would make my girlfriend my entire life to escape my own pain. I could get another girlfriend but I'm sure I'd just make her my life again. I want to be able to live for myself, I just can't conceive of what that would look like. I have no reasons I can tell myself are worth continuing on for. When people ask why do you stay, lately my answer has been SF :cry:. Is that really all I can say that I'm sticking around for?
     
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    :hug:
    how about expressing how you feel artistically, like through your songs? or just head off and start walking, like you always talk about? or just move to another place, start a new life. like you could save up money and go travelling or something. i don't know if this helps....
    but you could try and do something artistically that would bring you places in your mind you've never been before, or help you see things in a different light. or just make something beautiful.
    i don't know. but i don't think the world is over for you yet. try and explore every area you can before ending your life,
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It isn't time for you to give up on everything that could lie ahead in your future. You may find the right girl if you allow yourself to. Things don't always have to come to an end quickly. Keep looking for that job that you may enjoy. maybe you can get back to your music. There are so many opportunities open to you if you reach out and grab them. I know you lack the motivation to do that, but that is part of depression and sometimes the only way to escape it is to force ourselves to become more active in our lives. You take control, don't let it control you. Easier said than done I know. :hug:
     
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Thanks Corrina :smile:. It's very hard to see a future, but I know that there will most likely be one.
     
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