The title says it all, im getting so sick and tired of the daily life. The past few weeks have been the worst days ive had in quite a while. I found out the other day that two people that I knew very well in my unit were killed in action... I cannot stop distressing myself over this because I feel so bad... these people will never see their familys again, and their family's them. I just cant believe it, I really cant, I saw them 4 months ago perfectly fine... and now their gone. I keep thinking to myself maybe if I had been there, things might'v been different, maybe I would have died instead. Thats something I dont understand, how come people like me that want to die are instead kept alive, and those that are valiant and want to live are murdered. Its not fair at all, and this life seems so pointless and cruel. My friend is over there dealing with things first hand and I want to be there so bad to help, but im stuck here useless, directing my own career to whatever goal ive set in motion. I deal with the most fuck nut businesses that are money hungry shitheads. I tried to cancel my clearwire service because it wasnt what I had expected and their trying to charge me 200$ early cancellation fee. I work three days a week which isnt that much but I cant get any more hours and im just hoping for things to even out. This bullshit is just driving me nuts and I just feel like all of this is pointless. What am I hanging on to? Whats the point? What difference does it make? Why is it so hard for me to do something about it? Why am I such a pussy all the time that I cant stand up for myself? When I was in the army I let people take advantage of me which is part of the reason why I had so many problems, because I let anger built up I guess. So why then, am I wanted if I am weak, if I am the lowest person on the totem poll, the weakest link. Survival of the fittest would prove my demise, prove that I have no right to live in this brutal world. I feel like ive reached a new level of helplessness and carelessness that im getting to that point again where I might make a decision. Im taking classes towards getting into a program but its going to take at least 2 years from now till I complete it and I just want to go to school but I cant because I have to pay bills, so this fall is going to be the most stressful time due to me taking 3-4 classes and working 3 days a week. I dont want to accept defeat but I dont see another way out, I dont want to quit but I dont see any alternatives. Who knows whats going to happen in the next couple of months that will make it worse. My financial situation is fine right now but I dont really have an idea how it will change in the next couple months, ive got close to $1800 but my account is about to have the shit beat out of it pretty soon here. truck payment and insurance and internet. I have to go get ready for work, ill add more late if I think of anything, all and any advice is appreciated.