Everything is ready

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Evanesce, Apr 17, 2014.

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  1. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    Morning again. SH Last night. Everything is ready to finish things today. Nothing more to say.
     
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    I do hope you can talk to someone.

    Doctor. Church. Friend. Family.

    Message me if you wish.
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    please don't do anything to harm yourself. Talk to us, we will listen and do our best to support you. I know right now it seems like the only way to stop the pain, but it isn't. Talk it through, email me if you need it. And like mark b says, if you can find a person to talk to either a doctor or a friend or a professional please do so....

    thinking of you :hug:
     
  4. Nelly1921

    Nelly1921 Well-Known Member

    Fleurise i know that the "professionals" have failed you and will reassess you in two weeks and I know that is a very long time. But you are worth it. I hope you can reach out - even if you can just walk into an emergency department. Please stay. x
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Fleurise we care about you here hun please do not harm you anymore don't let the dam professionals take you away ok You go to hospital and stay in emergency until someone listens and help you hugs
     
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Fleurise, you are important to me. Please keep posting here. We are all here to support you through the hard times. Please speak to someone. Your posts keep me going through my own issues. So you mean alot to everyone here. You are not alone and please remember that.
    I get very low and emotional but yet I'm still here getting on with life. I know it's tough but I believe in you and I know you can get through this tough period.

    People like you help me a great deal in knowing I am not alone in suffering. So please speak to someone in person or on the phone. There are geniune people who do care. Even though I am complete stranger, this post is from the heart.

    Please keep posting as we all do care on this forum. Please take care..
     
  7. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    I'm still here. No idea what I'm going to do or how I'm going to get through this. I don't even know what to say. Sorry
     
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Fleurise, no need to apologise. We all through a sea of emotion. The most important thing at the moment is that your ALIVE. You need to realise you are not alone, all of us are suffering in our own way. We must remember that we must never not suffer in silence. Everyone needs someone to talk to, even through this message board.

    I'm glad you posted, that's a starting point. Never think your are alone, folks here care and will get you through.. Take care and keep posting...
     
  9. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    I keep wanting to punish myself. My head tells me that life doesn't want me alive. That I'm always going to be this way. I live through so much already. An emotionally abusive and neglected upbringing, sexual abuse at 16, a violent and sexually abusive relationship in my early 20's, gang rape a year after I got away from my abusive partner. Then finally when life let me have a happy exsistance with probably the first person who had ever truly loved me for who I am, it cruelly took them away while I watched them slowly disappear and died of prostate cancer. At the same time I lost all family and friends.I can't see how I can see this any differently.
    I can't endure any more pain.
     
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I totally understand the emotional scars left from the traumatic episodes in your life. You still here, that's important. The scars will remain there forever but the important thing is to focus on the positive aspect of your life. I have been through simple trauma, nothing in comparison to you but I'm just about coping.

    Life is tough, but you can get through it, I believe in you. Take a positive thought from that, I know you can get through this low ebb of your life. I think you have a lot of life to offer, so don't be down. I hit rock bottom over minor life experiences but I drag myself up again through sheer determination. If I believe in you, please take encouragement from that. I'm just a stranger but who does care.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2014
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Fleurise, the positive thought is that you are sharing your thoughts and that takes a lot of courage to do that. Please speak to someone like a hotline or person. Just keep posting and sharing your thoughts to get you through the day. From the posts so far, you should take encouragement that people care from whatever walks of life. Do not think negative, just remain calm and take a deep breath. We are all here for everyone in their times of crisis.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2014
  12. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    incrisis9everyone experiences are different and sharing the toughest moments in my life isn't to say that what I'm feeling is more valid and worse than anyone else. People cope with things differently. For some having an injection is traumatic and others find it doesn't bother them in the slightest. I know everyone has different things that make them feel the way they do and to each person what is happening to them is important and no less valid than anyone else.
    So my post isn't to make anyone feel bad or like they deserve less help. Everyone here deserves help.
    It was more as a way of explaining that I've been through enough life and I don't think I can look at it in any way except to not want to be alive anymore.
    I have no reserves left and I've been running on empty since about June last year. The health system has failed and given up on me. I have no family, no friends. No chance to get out of my current financial slump or better my situation. I can't see any other way out.
     
  13. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Fleurise, I'm in total agreement with you. If you are in a financial situation then you need us to speak to a financial expert. Like you, I am running on reserves on most of time but I manage to get through by focusing on a positive thing.

    If I have offended in any manner, please accept me apologies. It's hard for you but please take care and respect to you. Please keep posting.
     
  14. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm sorry this is hard. You've gone through so much. I don't think life wants you to end it. I think that the pain is so intense that your thoughts are hurting you. I know the feeling because my thoughts are my own worse enemy. But you deserve to live and be happy.

    Money wise, I understand, I live on welfare and often than not, I don''t have enough to make it to the end of the month. It sucks because I can't work at all...so please hang in there...perhaps you can go somewhere that will help you a bit like a food bank, or like a YMCA? perhaps they can give you some support?
     
  15. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Fleurise,
    I do agree with morning rush. please don't do anything to harm yourself.
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun there is a way out with support ok Please go to hospital and make them listen to you stay ok social worker there can help you find different avenues for support as well once you are in hospital hugs
     
  17. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    The health system here doesn't work that way. If I went up there i'd get sent home. In the ward you don't get to see a social worker at all. My last admission left me in a state of PTSD or that is what my psychologist thought. I'll try and keep posting, appreciate the support. Helps knowing people here care.
     
  18. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    That sucks that your systeme health care doesn't help a lot. Over here too, my mom has schizophrenia and when she's in psychosis, the only way they keep her in the hospital is if her psychiatrist admits her. Usually I call him and tell him how my mom is and he gets her in immediately so...but I understand it can be hard to get help.

    glad that you find here helpful :) keep posting :hug:
     
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you made it through all those hard times hun you did not let the ones that abused you win. You kept fighting and you found someone that cared for you It is hard i know that but just know we care ok I care about you and just get through each minute ok by talking with us We will help you hold on hugs
     
  20. Evanesce

    Evanesce Well-Known Member

    I am trying and continuing to talk to people here. I've been online all day. Can't get myself to do anything else except sit here. Someone is helping some at the moment, talking me through get rid of items from my box, the plan box that I put in the other room earlier today.
    So hard to get rid of things, not sure if I'm ready to continue living yet. but I don't want to hurt anyone here and I know how much it hurts for me when I come back and find someone else here has died.
    Conflicted emotions but I am trying to accept the help here.
    Thanks, crying lots at the moment, hugs to those who care
     
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