One year ago, I met the most interesting, intelligent, beautiful, and overall enchanting young woman I will ever meet. She was truly one of a kind. She had more charm and wit and compassion than I'd ever hoped to find in a person. She was everything I had ever wanted in a girl. I felt as though this woman had been created just for me. We met in a college class, and hit it off right from the start. We simply got along. There was immediate chemistry. We just worked well together. We had the same tastes and sense of humor, and inside jokes between us began cropping up within the first few hours. As the weeks went by, she gave me little flirtatious hints that she was interested in me. It felt presumptuous to think that a woman this amazing could actually like me. Whenever she flirted with me, I refused to believe it. I told myself that I was just imagining things. But, as each week passed and we became more acquainted with one another, it became more and more difficult to remain in denial. Eventually, I started to accept the possibility that she was interested in me...and I was definitely deeply interested in her. The sheer beauty of this situation was unfathomable to me, a 20-year-old who had never known romance before. Although we never truly confessed our infatuation for one another, I did confess that I had never been kissed in all my 20 years. She responded by making out with me passionately, an experience I can still recall in vivid detail one full year later. It's hard to forget the best moment of your life. I was ecstatic, and looking forward to such a wonderful experience happening again...but after that day, she became distant. After she kissed me, she started paying less attention to me, speaking to me less frequently, and never brought up the subject again. After a while, I gathered my courage and asked her what her feelings were. She told me that it wasn't a convenient time in her life for emotional attachment - and beyond that, she didn't think that she was girlfriend material. She told me that there wouldn't be any more physical intimacy, and that there would be no relationship. I understood her reasoning. Her logic was completely rational and I couldn't fault her for her decision. I knew that I would simply have to accept her choice and live with it. But it hurt. It hurt bad. And it still hurts. It's been over a year since these events took place, but even after all this time, I still feel like I'm being hit by a train in slow motion. I don't know what to do. This situation feels unreal to me; I am unattractive, boring, nerdy, and no girl has ever shown interest in me before in my life - and then, out of nowhere, I find my dream girl, the woman of my fantasies...and she actually likes me back. But then, just as soon as she's given me the first affection I'd ever received and I start to feel hope that my life is about to turn around for the better, she estranges herself from me and tells me that it's all over. During the time that she was expressing interest in me, all of my self-loathing and lack of confidence was buried and invisible. While I was with her, I was happy and confident and proud of myself. And now that she is gone, all of my insecurity has returned. I am again unconfident about my looks, I am again afraid that no girl could ever want me, and I am especially worried that I will never find anyone like her again. I often lie in bed for hours, heavy with grief, mourning the loss of the one girl who ever wanted me. During the time I knew her, I no longer felt the fears and anguish I had suffered for so many years. Now the one piece of happiness in my life is gone, and I'm left with nothing but worries and anxiety. I'm 21 years old, and I've been enrolled in college for three years now - but to this day, I've never met anyone who has come anywhere close to matching that woman. She remains the only person I've ever known to have every one of my favorite traits, to embody everything I've ever wished for in a girl. She was one in a million...no. She was one of a kind. I'll never find another woman like her. Not for as long as I live. Even if it actually is possible for me to find another girl who could like me, there is no chance that she could be as wonderful as that woman. I feel as though every other girl in the world is inferior to her. Whether I like it or not, I always wind up comparing every female I meet to that woman, and they always come up short. We stayed in touch after she told me that there would not be anything between us. A while ago, I hinted at the idea of a relationship between us. She simply said, "That ship sailed a long time ago." Her feelings for me are gone now. She wanted me once, but she'll never want me again. The conversation ended on bad terms, and after that, she simply stopped contacting me. I must ask for help. What can I do at this point? I know that there is nothing I can do about her, nothing I can do to fix things or make her change her mind. But what am I going to do with myself? I'll live the rest of my life with the memories we shared, the memory of meeting the perfect girl, meeting the only girl in the world who actually found me to be attractive. I'll live the rest of my life remembering that I lost her, that I can't have her, that I'll never have what I truly want. How am I supposed to live this way? How am I supposed to find happiness like this? How am I supposed to concentrate on other things, knowing that everything I've ever wanted was within my reach, but then I lost it all? I cannot look at other women without being reminded of her. I cannot even think of women, or romance, or relationships, without thinking of her. I have so many memories of our short time together that almost everything can (and does) remind me of her. The heartache is one thing, but sleep deprivation is a different beast altogether. It is quite literally impossible to sleep when she is on my mind, and missing so much rest so many times has impacted my life in several negative ways. I write this on another sleepless night; for six hours I've tossed and turned restlessly, able to do nothing but play back every memory of her, and recall every embarrassing mistake I made, every humiliating error. It is a ritual that repeats itself every few nights, like a recurring nightmare I must endure while awake. I cannot live like this any longer. What can I do? How will I be able to live the rest of my life after losing my only chance at love? One year later, the pain is no more bearable, and the memories are no less vivid. Time has healed nothing. What can possibly be done to cure me of this heartache and allow me to live a normal life? If I will be forced to live every day regretting my loss, then I must say that the rest of my life is not promising at all.