everything just plain hurts.

[meagainstme]

i have nothing.
im just me, and i hate me.
i feel so fucking scared to go into college cus i KNOW people are judging me. it actually terrifies me.

i jst need to escape this world. but apart of me doesnt want to go. but i dont know if i can keep fighting the suicidal thoughts.

i was lying in bed for an hour or so just fantasising about cutting myself. i dont have the energy tonight to be cleaning up after myself, so i havent cut...yet. but ive come online to try and distract myself.

gosh i hate feeling like this. i really do.
my mind hurts. my heart hurts. my stomach hurts. why am i so sad???

i know none of you like me. no one at college likes me either. why would you?

im so alone in myself. i need to break free of this shit. but i dont know how. :sad: this sucks.

please world. dont judge me.

 

[Michael Lee]

Hi,
You like photography. I have a friend who is really good at it here in the states. Photographs old buildings. Social anxiety is a tough but I'm not sure how cutting helps. Might be easier to go and speak with a friend, mentor that kind of thing. I'm here if you just want someone to talk. I'm not an expert or anything just know what it is like to feel lonely and desparate. Some folks say one day at a time. In reality sometimes it is one hour, half hour, 15 minutes, 5 minutes one minute. If you can make one you can make 5 and if you can make 5 you can make 15. My first year in college was a real trip, don't remember much of it. But I survived and you can too.
Grace and peace,
Michael

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

I so sorry to hear this, I bet you're feeling awful. :hug: I know the feeling I worry about people judging me alot....you're a great person if they think they need to act like that let them, they are the ones that have the problem. Hang in there hunny, if you want a friend i'm here for you and I won't judge you. My MSN is in my signature use it anytime. :hug: :hug: :hug:




PS - I'm really interested in photography too