Everything keeps getting worse and worse

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LeanneS, Nov 26, 2012.

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  1. LeanneS

    LeanneS New Member

    I am an addict and I am currently trying to reform myself and will be admitted to Rehab within the next few weeks, before Xmas I have been told. I have sever mental health issues too, I am anorexic because I wanted my family to notice me cause I didnt live with them but really wanted back with them, so finally i had to admit the truth that I was an addict looking to get help on the road to recovery and have now made myself medically anorexic and have very bad problems even feeling hungry and if I do I feel guilty eating. I have very bad anxiety and self-confidence issues which is a totally different person to them person I used to be 3n a 1/2 years ago, I worked in Property and lived in a posh part of glasgow, driving my Range Rover. Now I am back at my mothers & step Dads who has never wanted me their. We did get along for a little while their when I moved in around 3 months ago buy not now everythings has went terrible as I have relapsed so I have lied about where I have been going sometimes and my Step Dad, who would try find fault in anything I do to get me out has been following me and the one night I was going to my meeting I ended up not going cause my friend who was coming with me asked me to pick her up and I went in and we ended up having a cuppa and watching Easties and then we were too late, totally unintentional. However my stepdad followed my, never told my mother that he had caught me until I got in and waited for me lying to my mother then told her when I went to bed what he had done. So I have now not been in the house since Thursday I have an 8 year old sister who will be missing me like mad and I miss her so much and they know I miss her as I txt my mother to ask if i could phone my wee sister and got told no she wont be in then I got fobbed off again. They are using her as a pawn to stick the knife into me more and more and I have committed suicide when I was 16 but my mother just caught me in the nick of time as my system had shit down so I know I can do it and have thought of ways to do it so that my younger sister can get told it was an accident, no pills or anything like that involved. I really cant stop thinking about doing it I cant get the feelings of worthesness away and how much of a failure i am to my family who are all successful and so anti drugs but are always their for me and im sick of them always having to be their for me im 28 im a looser and I dont know if I have the will power to carry on for another few weeks living where I am I need back to my mums but they will both argue with me when i see them or my mum will just tell me to leave. Oh my god I hate my existance!!!!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i am so sorry you are struggling so. Are you staying with a friend i hope so. Let you parents know hun you will be going into rehab in 2 weeks and you need a safe place to stay so you are ready for treatment ok Reach out to your mom i know it will be hard as she may be angry but i think she would want the best for you. You go to hospital if you are getting to low ok you talk to someone there to see if they can give you support until you get admitted to rehab hugs to you
     
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