Everything Seems Hopeless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Auren, Jan 20, 2008.

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  1. Auren

    Auren Member

    This is my first time posting on a forum like this, so please bear with me. I'm 16 and I have to be home schooled because my depression and social anxiety is so bad. I can't see myself ever going back to school. I've never had any long term friends and I've had more bad than good experiences at school. At this point I don't know if my anxiety or depression is worse. I ended up in a behavioral ward two years ago because of my depression, but it didn't help me at all. Now I think about killing myself at least once a week, I don't eat much, I don't exercise, I feel like lying in bed all day, I'm on effexor which does nothing for me, I go outside maybe twice a week, and I just don't care about anything anymore. I have no friends, no life, and I'm tired of having nothing but problems with my parents. I've wanted to kill myself, but I can't bring myself to do it. It just feels like it's pointless for me to keep living. My life has been nothing but an uphill struggle and I don't have anything to show for it. I feel like nothing has improved and it never will. People say life's too short, but for me it's too long.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Are you seeing a counsellor or therapist?
    You are obviously profoundly depressed so of course you see no point to anything.
    Either there is something underlying the depression, in which case you need to get to the bottom of it; or it's clinical depression and they haven't got your meds right. Either way you need to get your doc to start re-thinking your medication.
     
  3. Auren

    Auren Member

    I have a therapist I see once a week. She agrees that my meds now do nothing for me except give me bad side effects. My psychiatrist wants me on Zoloft, but I'm reluctant to try any new meds after my bad experience with Effexor.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Auren and welcome to the suicide forums. I think you should try doing things that you used to enjoy doing before. Maybe going for a walk or watch a good show. I know that school can be a traumatic experience for many people, but its also a good place to make friends.
     
  5. Auren

    Auren Member

    Thanks for the advice. I've tried making friends in school but having social anxiety makes it next to impossible to accomplish.
     
  6. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Hope things get better for you. What evidence is there that social anxiety is impossible to overcome? How do you feel when you're in a group of people or just with one person?
     
  7. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    maybe a new therapist and that effexor can do more harm than good..many people have suicidal thoughts when taking this medication..tell your therapist about this, and hopefully he or she will get you off this med and get you on something that will work for you..don't give up hope...sometime its takes time to find the right one..we're here to help you through..
     
  8. Auren

    Auren Member

    It's hard being with a group of people or even one person. I start to sweat when I have to talk even though people don't really notice that. I just have trouble talking at all and so I'm usually ignored in groups. I've had social anxiety since third grade and it feels like I'm going to have it for the rest of my life.
     
  9. Auren

    Auren Member

    Thanks for your reply. I'm already coming off the effexor. My therapist right now is good, but I am working on getting a different psychiatrist so that my meds can be straightened out.
     
  10. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    do you know what causes this? Is it say that you're afraid of people, afraid of not knowing what to say or maybe do you have a fear of talking, or maybe something else?
     
  11. Auren

    Auren Member

    I lived alone with my dad for a long time and he emotionally abused me and kept me very isolated. I guess that's what really brought out my social anxiety. I became so afraid of saying or doing anything wrong around my dad that I began feeling that way around other people as well. Plus being isolated all the time prevented me from having social experiences most people have as kids, so now I don't want to be social at all.
     
  12. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    Okay, thanks for being honest. I don't presume to read anybody's mind but I kind of think that deep down, even though you might not realise it, that you would like to be social but that it's easier not to be social at all due to fear of rejection. Fear of rejection and doing things wrong is a paralyser.
    Keep posting on these forums and maybe use the chatroom here if you don't already, I think that would help and maybe give you a little bit of extra confidence. Are there any groups near you that maybe you could join? eg. church or something like that.
     
  13. Auren

    Auren Member

    Yeah, my sister wants me to join a youth group, but I just can't seem to make myself go.
     
  14. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    what will happen if you don't go?

    what will it take to make yourself go?

    Maybe you're too comfortable at the moment in not going. If you don't go, things might stay the same. Is that what you want? If you do go, then it might just be the starting point to change.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2008
  15. Auren

    Auren Member

    Nothing happens if I don't go except maybe I feel bad. I don't know what it's take to get me to go. I'd have to be really motivated and not anxious which is highly unlikely. If things stay the same, that means I won't have to face people as often as I would if I were back in school or in the youth group. It's not that I hate people, I guess I just don't want to be rejected and ignored anymore. I'm someone people tend to step on literally and figuratively. It's just safer to be alone because then you can't get hurt.
     
  16. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    Would it be possible to take people with you who you feel comfortable around to the youth group?

    I know i feel alot better when going to places for the first time with friends. I sometimes get sort of anxious going to places less so when i take friends with me. Even drag your sister along :)
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hang in there hun :hug:
     
  18. Auren

    Auren Member

    The only people I'm comfortable around are my sisters, but they're too old to come to youth group with me.
     
  19. Auren

    Auren Member

    Thanks =)
     
  20. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    wow..you hit the nail right on the head there. So basically it would be more difficult to go than not go. Until the difficulty in not going to the group becomes greater than the difficulty in going, then you probably aren't likely to go. Fear of rejection is a crippler, you really really really really need to take some steps to conquer this. You seem like a good person who does actually want more friends. As for what steps you need to take, you can probably decide that better than me. Maybe write a few good things down about yourself.
     
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