1. I have trouble having motivation to live. My whole life I was raised sheltered, making me physically weaker and ignorant. I don't care about my family and friends enough to not want to go through it with them. I view everyone as worthless in the grand scheme of things, which makes me even less motivated. I don't believe in love, for it's just a chemical reaction (I know you've heard this before, but hear me out) that just wears off after a while. I don't want to have love if it's just going to be fruitless in the end, and seeing how I see my family and friends, it can't be anything different. I know I'd snap if I had a kid and even if I didn't, I wouldn't love or care about him enough to work as a parent. My hatred comes from how I feel that many common ideals are false, and that I was lied to growing up. I've planned that I'd wait until my 30's to decide on whether or not I want to die or not by joining the military so that I can die in battle, and if I didn't, use my military experience to go through with a suicidal spree, but there's no way that I could go through with the latter, as I still have morality holding me back, which enrages me. I feel that I only live for my material things (video games, movies, etc.). I lack the motivation and the understanding to arrange or draw, and my horrid eye sight makes the latter not possible to attain. I just feel empty, and even my material things are starting to wear off on me. I like to take walks around my town, but that's about it for hobbies. I've arranged some tracks, but I don't understand half of the shit in music theory and it takes the motivation out of me. I can't afford lessons for an instrument, so I feel that too is a fruitless gesture. Even then, I almost feel that it's too late for me to learn these things because I never learned them as a child compared to my peers and beyond. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up (an entrepreneur?), but I couldn't imagine doing something for 30 years of my life and feeling fulfilled by it. I don't always feel like this, but half of the time I am like this, and the other half feels better (usually when I'm hanging out with friends.), but craves the feeling of hatred. I follow no god, and have always believed when I die, I'll just cease to exist because I can't really exist if my brain isn't functioning.

    I couldn't tell this to anyone else because they have ideals that go against mine and of course have the bias of having an emotional attachment to me, so I got an account and posted on here to get a fresh perspective.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    It's not too late to try and learn to play a musical instrument, maybe that could be a future goal? Lots of people don't know what they want to do when they grow up. What about job shadowing or asking people that you know about there jobs? There are probably jobs out there that you have not heard of. Take some time and explore the job world.

    Who says that you have to do the same job for the rest of your life? People go thru mid-life crisis's and change their jobs/lives.
     
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Physically weaker and ignorant. Okay, so do some bodyweight exercises. If you have a phone download an app named circuit trainer assistant.

    Ignorant? Read. But you will always be ignorant of a great many things.

    Love is a chemical hormonal reaction. But it is only a temporary thing. The hormones make it likely a bond is created, then its up to you to make it last.

    You can and will do many things with your life if you choose it. There is no manual that says you have to choose just one. Allow your spirit to take you where you will.

    If you have a musical instrument shop, go in and ask about lessons and playing various instruments. You may even find someone willing to help you learn

    Depression is like many of the feelings you describe. Ask for help getting through this with a school counselor or by calling a crisis hotline (its not only for suicide).
     
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  4. Tamiey Girl

    Tamiey Girl New Member

    I really understand with the loss of motivation thing only for me it was almost being sold this dream that I now know I cant have and have wasted so long trying to achieve. I don't know what I'm going to do with my future4 now or what I was 'meant' to do but that's okay. Take it one day at a time. Don't wallow in your emptiness but it use the time and uncertainty for self-care- to allow yourself time to find yourself.

    When it comes to careers don't even think that long term. Most of our generation will end up doing jobs that don't even exists yet so what's the point in thoroughly examining the current market. Work on you and found your happiness. I also suggest the cliché stuff like try something new, etc. Don't think to hard about the consequences or possible fruitlessness of new experiences, just try doing it purely for the sensation of something new.

    I guess when you think about it, you'll always be less talented, ignorant, less motivated and successful than someone else in the world. I guess there just comes a point where you just do things to give you pleasure and fulfilment even if it isn't forever. Fulfilment and happiness in the moment is not a fruitless pursuit I suggest. So if you want to play an instrument or learn to dance then find a way to do so unless it is your fear and insecurities of not doing so that is preventing you.

    If you were reading a shitty book that's semi interesting at parts you could either stop reading the book or get to the end- why would you want to get to the end? Simply to see how it ends. To have the satisfaction of knowing how it all played out and no longer be shackled by ignorance. Thus this book is your life. The next page has every potential to get interesting.

    Hope this helped x
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is possible that some of the issues could be addressed by treatment for depression (which is a common cause of lack of interest and motivation and feelings of hopelessness/despair/nothing really matters; or other common disorders- but lacking those, motivation is self induced thing- not something that you get from other people. While it is easy to proclaim that problems are due to the way somebody raised you (and it is possible they are particularly is it was a physically abusive environment or actually emotionally abusive/neglectful) in the end it comes down to choices. A person can choose to do things or not, choose to improve themselves and get skills or interests, or not. Since the "or not" is very often a case of simply deciding it is more effort than one wants to exert in that particular moment it really comes down to the person. If you want to get more out of your life or change things , it is on you to do so- it is on you. If you are able to list the things that you feel yourself lacking in then you are able to improve them with effort and effort has to come from within after you have taken steps to rule out other issues like mentioned above.
     

  6. Not to shoot you people down, but there are a couple of things that I disagree with. For one, it's not my physical weight that I'm talking about. I'm talking about hand eye coordination and the ability to comprehend things with my eyes. I can't move my fingers in a symmetrical way (ala moving one finger up after the other in consecutive order), and it gives me reeaaallllyyy shitty reflexes. I can't even hit a ball with a bat because I'll see it and I'll move my arms a little bit later. I used to have personal PT (Physical Therapy) sessions that were meant to alleviate this issue, but nothing came to fruition. It basically makes me screwed with playing with rhythm on any instrument because my hand would spaz out involuntarily. My eye sight is getting worse every year, and I've been wearing my glasses since I was in the 4th grade. That's less of an issue but it ruins my chances at drawing because all people tell me to do is "focus" and I'll try to look at an object and identify it's lines, but I can't absorb the information properly and my eyes look other places around the object.

    As for the love thing, the whole chemical reaction is daunting to me because I can't see how it's any different than infatuation. Once it fades, everything that was fun and likable with that person is just.... gone. I wish I could love someone, but I don't
    think that I could work in a long lasting relationship like that. The whole of how that stuff starts just..... bugs me. It feels like people base things on looks first, and then personality. Maybe I've just seen too many movies where sparks fly just like that, but I've seen that stuff happen in real life too and it's just.... annoying. It's one of those things where I was raised thinking everyone should be loved and that stuff takes time but now I feel that the world doesn't reflect that ideology. It's a problem that has so many sides to it that I could never exactly explain all of my problems with it in one sitting, so I'll just leave it at that.

    We do have a musical shop, but they only offer guitar lessons. It doesn't help that anyone who does lessons in this goddamn town offer help for prices of 28$ a day!

    No. I'm sick of seeing the counselor or psychologist and getting the same advice all over again, hoping things change. My counselor basically just tells me to go to God, while my psychologist(s) can't even understand what I'm saying. One even said that I wasn't thinking on the right track because I told them I couldn't find time to go to the gym during the school year. I've never called the hotline, but I don't know what they could do when I'm in at my highest level of hatred.

    For me, I can't find much to do that could fill the void. Walking around town is my only solitude outside of my hobby of playing video games (it's how I maintain my weight for the most part, although sometimes I do hit the gym. I HATE clubs; I've been to so many and they are always filled with people that I end up hating. I guess I could go swimming, but the pool here sucks. That's literally it for me.

    And as for looking at a job, wouldn't that make college sort of pointless? I'd get a business degree and whatnot and then what, there would be a boom somewhere? I'd feel cheated of my time and effort. It doesn't help that with engineering and other technical things that would be applicable in the future, I am utter shiet. I got a D- in Tech Ed, TECH GODFORSAKEN ED, because I couldn't figure out any of the crap in that class (AND DON'T SAY I DIDN'T FUCKING TRY) and the teacher couldn't help me because he was too busy or some other bullshit. I ended all of my projects in failure because they ended up built horribly wrong and only passed because half of the final was cleaning the workshop. That's stuff that would be in the market in the future. I'm fucked. I don't think I necessarily disagree with you, it's just that I don't understand what you're trying to say.
     
  7. Any further suggestions?
     
  8. What, I have to be wrong! Prove it!