I woke up this morning feeling like i never have before, I feel like a shell, I feel hopeless, I feel this overwhelming sadness. I started crying again. I cannot seem to ever get you out of my head. I imagine talking to you. I NEED to be a friend, but I NEED to be more, and I cant. I cant say what i need to say. My whole life, trapped, isolated, lonely, and still I cant get it out there, I cant reach out. This morning I just feel like Im going to do something today. I need hope, I need to erase all the thoughts of my past. I need to be reborn. I feel totally numb, I imagine cutting myself over and over in that place. I need it to release. Its over, my life, its closing. I dont know. I watch the long grass bend in the wind...its beautiful.