OK, this is going to be a bunch of shit, but here goes. Sorry to those who actually read the whole dang thing. I really need to stop making all these threads-kinda makes me feel like I’m attention seeking. Life is really complicated. Nothing is ever simple, and theres never an easy answer. There's too many layers and lines interweaving. I'm going to try and type it all out as best as possible though. Let's start with my mother. I don't know what to think of her. Around here, people think she's this amazing person because she's working on this environmental charity and stuff, but she's nuts. Friday night, she said she was going to be at a meeting, and do some errands. She left before I got home from school in the afternoon, and didn't get home until 1:30 in the morning! I waited up for her, and it turned out she was at the casino! I don’t know what to do with her, because all anyone ever sees of her is this great person, and I don’t think I could convince anyone of anything else. Everytime dad leaves on a trip, it's just me, my brother, and my mom. I turn into the adult, and mom just goes awol when he's not around, but turns back into the perfect wife when he gets home. She's never around, so it's me and my brother. He's 16 and supposedly smart. He's a complete lazy-ass and I have to make sure he gets dinner, does his chores, his homework, EVERYTHING! And I have to do everything for everyone else plus all my own things. It drives me nuts. Then, here’s the stupid teenage girl kicking in. So, I was on facebook last night, and my friend Ashton IM-ed me. He had been at a speech and debate tournament this weekend, and I asked him how it went. Now, like everyone says he’s head over heels for me, but I don’t know. I just think of him as a good friend. He’s pretty cool, but I don’t think I like him like THAT. So in the middle of talking about the tournament, he asks me, “What’s the best way to get rid of a hickey?” I was like…uhh, what? He was telling me about how he made out with a girl at the tournament. And he just pulled this totally asshole-ish move to try and make me jealous. I mean, really?!?! Why would a guy do something like that?!?! I mean, I don’t mind that he did. In fact, I don’t feel bad about it at all. Just frigging pissed off that he felt the need to rub my nose in it. Just trying to figure it all out. So many things going on, driving me out of my mind. Cutting takes away all the thoughts for a little bit, but it’s a temporary fix. I know, I keep getting told that things will get better once I graduate and move out, and I know they will. It’s just…I don’t know how I’m going to make it those next three and a half years. Dying seems like the easier alternative. Aknsglafbngblakjdnfbvkdjan I think that was the longest post I’ve ever put on here.