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Everything's falling apart

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by silentnobody, Apr 1, 2012.

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  1. silentnobody

    silentnobody Member

    I feel like there is no point being here anymore.

    My boyfriend who I love with all my heart broke up with me just over 2 weeks ago. I hate my job, it's only casual and I'm not getting enough hours to survive.

    I just feel like everything is falling apart.

    I'm completely devastated about losing the guy I love as I don't feel I'll ever be able to connect with anyone like I do him. I was reading through some of my old posts here and I see that I last posted when me and my previous ex broke up...and I am in a similar situation. I am hiding within myself....not wanting to talk to anyone but him etc.

    I've started writing notes for my loved ones to find...writing down stuff like my bank account passwords and things like that to make it easier if I do decide to do something stupid. I live across the road from a park which has soccer goals and I often find myself daydreaming about using them to hang myself....either that or driving my car somewhere secluded and gassing myself.

    I really feel so fucking shit right now. Losing my boyfriend is absolutely killing me. I miss him so much :(
  2. Anonymous1980

    Anonymous1980 New Member

    Hi I feel exactly the same way about my girlfirend. I cant stop thinking about why girls break up with me. i Feel like I was good to this one. I have a bad temper when you piss me off bad. But i love them so much I cant understand why they would want to hurt me.
    I have my family really worried about me but I am alone and I have moved 2000kms away from them to be with my ex and she leaves me and lies to me all the time. Then she comes back and gives me hope only to take it away by ignoring me. It happens so often and she promised she wouldn't lie anymore. but i caught her lieing to me again, she was txting other guys. She says they are only friends but she lies about everything and everyone thinks she is cheating on me. And i want to believe her with all my heart cause we are good until she lies. We dont fight or argue unless its about her lies. Why is she doing this to me.
    I just want honesty, I give a hell of a lot of love, and turn to chat when im alone. Only i cant chat about suicide on dating sites. I need someone to understand me and give me a cuddle. I need someone who understands how much I love people.

    Help me! I want to die too. But I cant cause I cant hurt my family or my son. :(
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Have you tried using a diary on this forum? You can have a private one if you want. Writing in a diary can relieve built up pressure and stress and help you make it another day. Also, are you seeing a doctor for your depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings?

  4. silentnobody

    silentnobody Member

    No, I'm not using a diary...I might try that, thanks.

    I need to make a doctors appointment tomorrow. I'm not on any anti-depressants. I was taking zoloft for a few months...but that was when I wasn't feeling half as bad as I do now...and I didn't think they were working, so I stopped.

    I currently take:

    dexamphetamine for ADD

    when needed:
    valium/temazepam for sleep
    zolpidem for sleep
    xanax - for anxiety and stress
  5. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I've never had a gf in my whole life or even a girl that liked me. You have had 2 boyfriends so obviously if you can attact those guys I'm sure the right guy will come along very soon. Also you have a job you should be proud of yourself. Please don't do anything rash because you think you won't find a person to connect with. I myself will never find that person but you will forsure seeing how you already attacted two guys you will attract the one for you in no time.
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Firstly, to the OP...Things are bound to get better if you stick around. Human beings always eventually adapt to new environments in an effort to survive (as stated by Darwin's theories). Losing your boyfriend and not liking your job may feel shitty right now, but eventually you'll adapt and it'll get easier. Just like you found someone else after your last ex, you'll find someone else again. You'll make it through, I promise. There's really nothing we can't get over with the proper amount of time...as long as we stick around long enough to give ourselves that chance. In the meantime, do whatever you can to keep your mind busy. Do not let yourself just sit around and do nothing during such a vulnerable time. Make sure you are always in the middle of a task of some sort. Also, keep as many friends and people around you to talk to as possible.

    Secondly, you may want to start your own thread/topic about your issue. It's not really appropriate to take over another threadstarter's topic by putting your own problems into it instead of giving advice to that person. Either way, it sounds to me like you can't stand being alone...you seem to want anyone at all who will give you the comfort you need, regardless of who that person is or what they're like. So, that's probably the issue you need to focus on the most. Then, you'll be able to distinguish between who is or isn't a worthwhile partner for you, and choose accordingly. It probably doesn't help to go from one bad relationship right into another just because they were nice to you at one point and you got attached.
  7. You should know that thanks to modern catalytic converter systems it's no longer feasible to get fatal doses of carbon monoxide from auto exhausts -- so don't even bother going there.

    You sound as if you may be suffering from the "one true love" illusion -- I deduce this from you saying you are afraid you'll not be able connect with anyone else like you did him. There are many possible life partners for each of us ... we cannot connect with just anyone but we can connect fine with quite a lot of people. That part, you don't have to worry about. I'm not happy with outcomes in my love life, short or long term, but ability to feel connected just hasn't been one of the issues. Each love is different but good in its own way. No one will ever be quite like this guy but qualitatively many guys can be as good or better. Honest. You are torturing yourself with a romantic ideal that doesn't really exist. Ask yourself who told you this or where it comes from. You'll find it comes from pop culture, particularly music and poetry, but not from actual reality. It's hard to accept that the idea is just BS when everyone around you is carrying on about it, but our tendency to believe this way is just one of those evolutionary mis-wirings that causes us to over-think and mis-judge things.

    So ... all is not lost for you. Just as you broke up before and found someone even better, that can happen again. Just do a post-mortem on the relationship and learn everything you can about what worked and what didn't, and apply it next time around.

    Ah. Belatedly I see you're my age, so that makes it a little tougher situation. Believe me, I get it. At our age you start to feel time pressure and it make things harder. Everything I said still applies though. My problem is much more general than you've discussed, an overall world-weariness. Relationship issues are just something I don't need on top of that and on top of everything I've already been through. I don't sense that in you though. You can probably feel better by dialing your idealism back a tad.

    Best to you ... feel better soon.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2012
  8. silentnobody

    silentnobody Member

    It's the difficulty of breaking the routine of being around him....always having him there. Sharing inside jokes. Knowing I don't have to explain every tiny thing to him....because "he just knows". I'm sure I will meet other guys, though, I have no desire to ever fall in love and have my heart broken again, but none of them will be him.

    I'm having an up day at the moment. A bad day is when I cant get out of bed and just lay around sobbing all day :(
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