today was meant to be the day! i tried to prepare myself as much as possible for Rolo to be gone today, more so when her breathing became unbearable for me to watch, it didn't bare thinking about how she was doing it! I told Mike she had to go today, i told him yesterday, i told him at 11 today before he went out and i told him again at 4 when he was doing fuck all! Half 6 comes along, i go down for dinner and Mikes decided, without telling anyone, that he isn't going to take Rolo, he doesn't want to but its too fucking late because the vet closes at 7! There is a fucking reason why i wanted her put down today and everyone knows that, i'm going to an open day at a college tomorrow afternoon and i need to be 'good' for that which is why i said today! I'll have today to greive and tomorrow morning to grieve so i'll be all cried out by the time i have to go to that college but noooooooooo, now they're doing it in the morning. I know that sounds selfish but she wasn't meant to be here tonight, we shouldn't be running around the street trying to find something we can MAKE her eat, because she hasn't eaten all fucking day and hardly anything yesterday! We've tried everything, cat meat, cat biscuits, chicken, tuna, ham, sardin, milk, i even left my pizza out to try and tempt her, nothing. Tonigt i'm mostly upset because she's now going to have to make it through another 12+ hours without eating and using the energy, that she doesn't have, tryring to fucking breathe! Now everyones pissed off with Mike, Mikes fucked off to bed. Sue's pissed off because no one rang her to take Rolo but she understands that we didn't know because Mike didn't fucking tell anyone he wasn't gonna do it and now everyones pissed of with me because i don't want to let her go hungry. Sue said "there's no point anymore" there is a fucking point, she's still alive and she's still fucking suffering, being hungry and refusing to eat isn't going to help her get through tonight quickly, i want her to stuff her face to the point where all she can do is sleep throughout tonight so tomorrow can come quickly and she won't have to put up with it anymore. I wasn't prepared to put her down until the life had gone from her eyes, i wasn't going to do it until she'd actually decided she's had enough. She's had enough, she had enough yesterday but no one could take her yesterday, we talked it through yesterday and it was decided today was the day...our neighbour offered to take her before she goes on holiday...had Mike told us he wasn't going to do it we could have asked our neighbour but she left at 4. I don't know...i needed her to be gone tonight so i could get through the college tomorrow night, i needed her to be gone tonight because i knew how difficult tonight would be for her. Everythings a mess, no ones talking to each other, i'm can't stop crying and meanwhile Rolo is left there watching everything break down...we're meant to be making this easy and relaxing for her.