Everythings Fucked Up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JBird, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    today was meant to be the day! i tried to prepare myself as much as possible for Rolo to be gone today, more so when her breathing became unbearable for me to watch, it didn't bare thinking about how she was doing it! I told Mike she had to go today, i told him yesterday, i told him at 11 today before he went out and i told him again at 4 when he was doing fuck all! Half 6 comes along, i go down for dinner and Mikes decided, without telling anyone, that he isn't going to take Rolo, he doesn't want to but its too fucking late because the vet closes at 7! There is a fucking reason why i wanted her put down today and everyone knows that, i'm going to an open day at a college tomorrow afternoon and i need to be 'good' for that which is why i said today! I'll have today to greive and tomorrow morning to grieve so i'll be all cried out by the time i have to go to that college but noooooooooo, now they're doing it in the morning.

    I know that sounds selfish but she wasn't meant to be here tonight, we shouldn't be running around the street trying to find something we can MAKE her eat, because she hasn't eaten all fucking day and hardly anything yesterday! We've tried everything, cat meat, cat biscuits, chicken, tuna, ham, sardin, milk, i even left my pizza out to try and tempt her, nothing. Tonigt i'm mostly upset because she's now going to have to make it through another 12+ hours without eating and using the energy, that she doesn't have, tryring to fucking breathe!

    Now everyones pissed off with Mike, Mikes fucked off to bed. Sue's pissed off because no one rang her to take Rolo but she understands that we didn't know because Mike didn't fucking tell anyone he wasn't gonna do it and now everyones pissed of with me because i don't want to let her go hungry. Sue said "there's no point anymore" there is a fucking point, she's still alive and she's still fucking suffering, being hungry and refusing to eat isn't going to help her get through tonight quickly, i want her to stuff her face to the point where all she can do is sleep throughout tonight so tomorrow can come quickly and she won't have to put up with it anymore.

    I wasn't prepared to put her down until the life had gone from her eyes, i wasn't going to do it until she'd actually decided she's had enough. She's had enough, she had enough yesterday but no one could take her yesterday, we talked it through yesterday and it was decided today was the day...our neighbour offered to take her before she goes on holiday...had Mike told us he wasn't going to do it we could have asked our neighbour but she left at 4.

    I don't know...i needed her to be gone tonight so i could get through the college tomorrow night, i needed her to be gone tonight because i knew how difficult tonight would be for her. Everythings a mess, no ones talking to each other, i'm can't stop crying and meanwhile Rolo is left there watching everything break down...we're meant to be making this easy and relaxing for her.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Beak do you have any carnation milk?
    If so, slightly warm it and feed it to her thru a syringe, it will warm and calm her belly down.
  3. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    deffo dont offer food j cos it will put more pressure on her lungs anyway.. just little bits of fluid. it sucks am sorry
  4. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    we've tried that too terry, she's taken a little but not much.
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I'm sorry honey. I know it must be so hard to have to do this and to tolerate a seemingly uncaring bastard at the same time. You know where to find me hun.

  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thinking of you honey, you know where i am if you need me.

    Luff ya x

    PS. my avatar is waaaaai better than yours :tongue: .... runs
  7. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    they took her while i was asleep this morning! i didn't get to see her this morning!
  8. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    maybe that's best though beak. That you didn't get to see her as she was in such rough shape. Remember the happier times with Rolo. Love the name by the way
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry it happened like that, It's fucked up that they didn't come and get you. Especially after Tristan said he'd come get you to help put her in the cage. I know how upset you were (don't you dare say sorry ever again)

    I know it's hard but try think of a positive out of it. I know you would of liked to have said goodbye but think of it this way .... Everytime you think of her your not gonna picture her leaving the house and never coming back. You can think of the good times. The funny things she did. Tell me some more stories about her and Todd.

    I'm here if you wanna talk and if you want me around through the night then let me know.

    -hugs tight-