Everytime I think of it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by voices_inmy_head, Jan 2, 2008.

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  1. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    It seems a little more logical.

    When I used to get like this I would want to cry and shout and say it's not fair, Now I am completly calm and the idea seems so simple and such a good idea.

    I am becoming more and more distructive, I never used to drink that often, the few times I would go out with friends and once in a while. Now I drink nearly every night, it doesnt always lead to me crying in tears but I do worry, do you think alcholism runs in families even when they have never met the person it started off with? My mothers father died when she was 17 because of alcahol and my sister when she was around my age became an alcholic and now I feel like I am one.

    There thats another box ticked.

    Now a new thing seems to be food, I fight with myself to eat. A week before christmas I had the stomach flu and while I didnt throw up I did not want to eat, then I got a bit better, christmas day I even ate a whole meal. But then people started complementing me on how good I was looking and now I have to force myself to eat, yesterday for example It took me an hour to force down a mug of soup and then I felt like throwing up for the rest of the day. I have always loved food but now I feel constantly like I dont need to eat.

    Thats another box ticked.

    I had an awful new years eve because of alcahol when it should of been such a good one, for once,

    I am self distucting again only this time I am completly calm about it, I just want to go for a long drive far away, but then I would have to come back. I dont want to come back...
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, is there anything in particular making you feel so down?

    I think I remember reading/hearing about alcoholism being inherited. If this is the case then you do not need to have met your mum's dad for you to be effected, it's in the genes. I am not 100% sure if it CAN be inherited, but like I said, I think I have heard it somewhere. Inherited, or not inherited, I still think you need to get help for it.

    Can you speak to your mum about your drinking? Not only about your drinking but if you could speak to her about your depression and your eating issue, it can be the first step to obtaining help.

    Is your sister still an alcoholic or is she off the drink now? If she doesn't drink anymore perhaps you could ask her how she managed it and go down the route she took to get off the drink. If your sister is still an alcoholic, could you both go to AA meetings?

    About the eating... why don't you feel like you need to eat? Is it because you want to keep the figure you have right now, because you're getting the compliments? If you want to keep your figure then the best thing you can do is eat a good balanced diet, so that mug of soup wouldn't have hurt you.

    If you're struggling then please do consider reaching out for help, either by talking to a friend, relative or a doctor. There's help out there for you, so you don't need to feel alone. Take care of yourself. :hug:
  3. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I cant talk to my mum, the few times I tried she would start making me feel bad, I cant talk to anyone I know, they dont want to hear it.

    My sister is no longer an alcaholic, she got pregnant and luckierly stopped drinking, I dont think that is a good route for me.

    Im sure I can stop the drinking, I plan to not drink for a month. Lets see how well that works.

    And the eating thing its strange, I get hungry and try to eat around once a day, like today i started eating cheese and crackers, got through two crackers and feel full! I ate two more and felt sick. Of course the compliments make me feel good, It also makes me feel good not to have my dad making comments about my weight, he is not a helping factor in my life.
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    If you don't feel able to talk to anyone personal to you perhaps you could talk to a doctor.

    Good luck with the stopping drinking. It's amazing what determination can make us do. We all have that inner strength that isn't visible to us and only comes out in times of desperation. No, don't worry I won't suggest you get pregnant as a way to stop drinking. :) I'm really glad your sister stopped drinking, though.. however, you could somewhat use your sisters method (minus the pregnancy).

    What I mean by that is, your sister stopped drinking because she most likely didn't want to harm the baby, pregnancy can also give an aim in your life and a goal. What are your dreams? What do you want to achieve in your life? No matter how small. No matter how big. Write a list of what you want out of your life and you can start working towards them. It can give life a meaning. :hug:
  5. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I don't want anything in my life strangely,

    I realised lately I don't want a relationship, I don't want a job atm and i dont want much of anything, I want to run away! That would be fun, just get in my car and drive and drive!
  6. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    You know what I find funny..talk to a doctor. I would bet quite a few of everyone's problems are situational. One bad thing happened over and over and over. Will a pill help that? No..one good thing happening will help.

    When you are beaten over and over again..and everything you try fails...sorry, a doc and a pill ain't gonna help.
  7. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    A doctor can help certain people, I do not think I am one of thoose, even when I had a fabulous doctor I ignored her advice and got rid of the medicine I was given, I am self-destructive and I almost want to be, Id rather that then take the medicine.
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    There's not only medication. There's therapy etc too.

    Is it possible for you to move away?
  9. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I dont see how I can move away, I have no money saved up and if I did move out of home my mum wouldnt be able to afford the house.

    I tried therapy once but they made me feel useless stupid and as if I got in the way. It was not a good experience.
  10. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I am a fool, people do not want to hear about a fool like me so I have deleted this post
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2008
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You're not a fool voices, just going through a difficult time right now.
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