Evidently I dissociated again..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by jimk, Jun 26, 2012.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Was in here and now and ok and not smoking..and now is couple of hours and not a clue what have done and happened..

    Ashtray and 3 packs are sitting next to me on coffee table.. Johnny with me now and his wet bedding is in washer..Johnny is I good shape thank goodness..

    Just off the phone with Bradley a consulting nurse of my HMO..evidently I called there during the checkout period and he called to check up on me..

    Had been about 6 months since last dissoc. Event..guess another thing that never going to be over..
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you nurse called back to check in on you hun and no i don't think these episodes will ever fully go away hugs
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    sorry it's this way for you

    hope you've been ok since
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs :hug: i hope u are ok.. i know for me it feels scary knowing i could dissociate and do things i wont remember.. and when i have ppl like today who somehow knew me but they knew another part of me.. and by another name of mine.. its confusing.. i hope u can find ppl who will help work with you and be getting better.. sry if this message makes hardly any sense. We are all here for you..
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That is scary...I used to dissociate often...would just check back with myself and has lost hours...several times walking down the street of NY and not had the slightest clue how I got where I was, etc...glad you are back and hope you are getting some rest
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    flying shadow and sadeyes thanks for caring .. you have no idea how that helps me.. yes the dissociating is a real trip.. thankfully nowadays rather than everyday is an event if lucky is every 6 or 7 months now.. i know hwy my body and nmind starting doing this at age 5 or so.. it was a defense mechanism just to escape from a circumstance that was very bad.. now if i could ever truly beleive and feel that situation is truly done and never going to visit again i this would now stop.. the bad stuff went on too long and the memories are never really going to fully bedone.. all can hope for is that the flashbacks adn night terrors are a just every once in awhile with some control over things..

    on the bright side back in 65 the military doctor who took a look at me then and who was decideing whether i would go to viet nam only spent a little time with me and deemed me undraftable.... teh same for social security when i finally got around to applying ofr disablity. eveidently i checked out for the entire interview and my checks stated coming soon after..

    those who don't do this and never are going to do not ahve a clue how hard it is to lose massive amonts of time and finally fight back to the here and now and have not a clue what the helll one did in this state...
  7. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :hug: i know the fighting feeling to stay in control.. its like im in and out of reality. Im glad u don't have as many dissociative events anymore.
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