Ok. So I keep typing and deleting. This is going to be the last time I start typing and I won't be deleting anything I write. I'm just going to say it and hope that it makes sense because right now my concentration is lacking and my patience is at an all time low. Here are the facts: I live with and am still in love with my ex-girlfriend. (She's the core's ex, but me and Lyn, the original protector, have come to have a crush on the roommate too, although, I think Lyn has more of one than I do.) The ex/roommate is dating someone else. I have D.I.D. (I am an alter that is trying to keep us from losing the job that our core took more than a year to find.) Another or other alters are cutting the body. The core is lost and has not been felt since 12/26/2011. The ex/current roommate brought the new girlfriend over last night when one of the partial alters was present (one who is unable to communicate but has taken a liking to or has decided to trust the roommate) and must have kissed because she has drawn pictures of it several times today. The ex/current roommate cares about us a lot and has been helping in the evenings when the other alter pushes me away out of mistrust. (She wasn't a protector before, but she has assumed the roll and only allows me in the body when we are at work, where I am now.) Here's how I feel or the closest feelings that I can name: I live with and am still in love with my ex-girlfriend. I suppose I have a crush on her too, but it's the core that really loves her. I feel hurt for her already and I don't even know if she will be coming back. The ex/roommate is dating someone else. ]When and if the core comes back, she is going to be absolutley crushed. She is sooo in love with the roommate. I have D.I.D. (I am an alter that is trying to keep us from losing the job that our core took more than a year to find.) This used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. I was born/created by the core's original protector. The core is the person who was born into the body and then at a very young age during abuse/trauma another personality (part) split form the core and developed her own identity. Though she is only 18 months old and has not matured, the core has and the body is 41 years old. I am 22 yrs old and I go by Her.Her. Another or other alters are cutting the body. Since the core has been lost, our system has been completely out of control because the two main people that make us functionable are gone. Now it seems like every man for himself. If I am to be completely honest here, I have to admit that I have done a little of it myself, but not to the extent that has been done. There are cuts all over the body: legs, thighs, intimate areas, belly, chest/breasts, shoulders, etc. If it doesn't stop, I'm afraid someone will find out and we'll end up in the mental hospital. The core is lost and has not been felt since 12/26/2011. The core slipped away when her new puppy rejected her for her roommate. She was in the bad room in the Bad Lands (the place most of us in the system lives when we are not in the body,) when RJP, a hateful and mean alter, picked her up and took her in through the inside door of the room to the rest of the house. (The rest of the house is not visible from the outside in the Bad Lands. Only the door to inside the room is visible, but only from the inside. You cannot walk around to find the door anywhere else. The ex/current roommate brought the new girlfriend over last night when one of the partial alters was present (one who is unable to communicate but has taken a liking to or has decided to trust the roommate and has also assumed the role of protector) and must have kissed because she has drawn pictures of it several times today. This is upsetting to me because it seems like they could have waited. Why do that in front of her, the alter named Silent Screamer? I don't know if she knew that they were kissing or how she felt about it but still, they couldn't have waited until later? The ex/current roommate cares about us a lot and has been helping in the evenings when the other alter (Screamer) pushes me away out of mistrust. She wasn't a protector before, but she has assumed the roll and only allows me in the body when we are at work, where I am now. I'm glad that she still cares about us, but what about our core? Does she love her too? If she did, would she really kiss someone else in front of her ex-gf's body and alters? That just seems selfish. I don't need anyone to tell me what to do or anything because without the core or the protector, I am not sure how to go about moving or if I did, I'm afraid that we will end up hurt, in jail or in the hospital. At this point, the roommate says that she has been helping some of the evenings and if she is home on the weekends, she helps then too, so if she really is helping, it might not be wise to move somewhere we wouldn't otherwise have help without being hospitalized. I think I just need someone or someones to talk to like a singleton (real person without extra personalities) would do with a friend or with friends. Maybe advice would be good because I am not thinking very clear these days with all the confusion going on inside.