Ex is screwing with me, maybe current bf too. Totally numb...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by wonderer, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    My ex decided to try and talk to me last night. I let him talk to me because he's been having a lot of trouble being depressed/suicidal, and I really want him to be ok. He asked a lot of unfair questions (like why I never appologized for the end of our relationship, whether I enjoyed causing him pain) which I told him were unfair and wasn't going to answer.

    And then he said "well what am I supposed to think when (current bf) tells me that you wanted to break up with me months before you did?" The two of them are sorta friends, and I've known that they talk, so thats no surprise. My ex doesn't actually know I'm with my new bf, he thinks were just really close friends, as thats what we've been for a few years. I asked my ex what he'd been told, and told me he wouldn't tell me, because either I wanted ammunition again my new bf, or it shouldn't matter, and basically told me that the only reason it'd matter would be if I were incapable of forgiveness (he plays that card regularly - nothing new there).

    To make a long story short, I told me ex that I'm tired of him playing games, that I've told him before that I don't want to talk about the relationship and I don't want to have emotional conversations with him anymore because he doesn't play fair, and that he has repeatedly ignored my issues on that. And that I was done talking to him. I blocked him on everything but my cell - I figure its better to leave 1 avenue open so he doesn't show up at my apartment because its the only way to talk to me.

    So, I talked to my new bf. He came over and spent a few hours with me. He says he told my ex I decided I wanted to dump him a few days before I actually dumped him, and that my ex is exaggerating, trying to see what he can get me to admit to. I don't even know when I decided I wanted to break up with him, I just can't remember. And he said that I shouldn't worry about my ex, as he's fine unless he's talking to me, at which point he claims the world is falling apart for him. Aka its another way my ex is screwing with me. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, as he kinda did similar things while we were together. He'd make problems to get my attention. I asked my new bf if there's anything I should know, and he said no, he's told me everything he thinks applies.

    I'm just numb right now. My ex is a jerk, purposefully trying to hurt me and cause problems in my life (although I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize what he's doing, which is sad). My current bf, I now have doubts about trusting. I feel completely alone, and totally numb. Whats the point in even trying to be close to people when they just end up taking advantage of you anyhow?

    Sorry for the long post guys, I'm a mess this morning. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what you're saying, to an extent. My ex-boyfriend used to and still does ask unfair questions and not play fair when it comes to talking about emotions or the way in which our relationship broke off. I can imagine it's rather difficult being with your ex-boyfriend's friend and knowing that they still communicate with eachother, and have even had conversations about you. However without any proof that you shouldn't trust your current boyfriend, it's not really worth fretting over. As long as you keep your current boyfriend in the loop with what kind of games your ex-boyfriend likes to play, and make him aware of the ways in which he could possibly meddle with your current relationship and try to get to you, he can maybe try and safeguard you from some of it. I'd suggest ignoring your ex-boyfriend, as you currently are doing, and just try and put a bit more faith into your current relationship. Not trusting your boyfriend because of things related to your ex is almost like letting him win and effecting the way you are with the other people in your life. Until your boyfriend gives you proper concrete reasons not to trust him, there's no reason why you shouldn't at this point in time. Just be cautious as any other person would be if their boyfriend was friends with their ex.

    Sorry if I rambled and didn't make sense or went off on a tangent. I'm not too good at concentrating at the moment, for some reason.
     
  3. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Avarice pretty much said it. Honestly, chances are they both have said things to each other that they haven't told you about but if I had to guess there probably isn't anything your boyfriend has said that's deal-breaking or that would steal his credibility when he says he's telling you the truth. I remember a female friend had this stalker a while back and he tracked me down to get ammunition that he could use to guilt her into being more into him. Of course, it was destined to flop and it did, miserably, but what really surprised me was the way he contorted what I said to him. Exactly what he said escapes me right now, this was like almost a year ago, but I know it was some pretty crazy shit and it had her doubting us both.

    Anyhow, long story short, your ex-boyfriend has issues and you should probably trust your current boyfriend until he gives you a solid reason not to. Otherwise you'll get gray hairs worrying about it.