Ex just asked me to leave the house...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Psych77, Sep 13, 2013.

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  1. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    I wish I didn't have to go on living. I wish I didn't have to see the sadness on my kids' faces when they find out. They have been my life through all this. Now, I am going to be alone. But I have to go on for them.

    She really does hate me.

    I don't feel like typing tonight. I'm just going to go to sleep.

    I just lost everything I had left. Maybe I really was that bad of a husband. Maybe this is all my own fault. Maybe I deserve all this. I don't know, anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You make sure you fight for your rights to your children ok You have not loss them hun they will always love you so you make sure you have the rights to seem them
    I hope for their sakes you and your ex can seperate on a civil level do what right for the children
  3. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for thinking about me. I haven't even figured out what to do. I am still in shock. I have been praying to God to take me in the night, because I don't want to face this in the morning. I want to scream and cry and fade away into nothingness all at the same time. I wish I was never born. I hate myself for coming to this place, where my life is such a wreck. What is going to happen, now? Why am I such a loser? I wish someone were here to hold me.

    I have 30 days to be somewhere else. To leave the only family I have. To be alone.
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    One never really leaves their children. If your wife is your "ex," it is not healthy to live together anyways. Get out on your own and make sure you work on getting joint custody of the children. They are not your ex.
  5. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    psych77 i am so sorry, i didnt know this happened to you, i wish i had some encouraging words to give you like you have given me, i know the children will still need you, so if anything keep on holding on for and to them, i know very well wanting to end being alive. i hope you can get through this without harm, you are not a loser you are a father to some beautiful children.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're NOT a loser! :hug: I know this hurts, but you can make it through day by day. You still have your children, and they'll need you as much as you'll need them. Don't give up, fight for the rights you deserve with your kids!
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Firstly - is your name on the tenancy agreement/lease?

    If it is, I'm fairly sure that you have a right to not listen to the 30 days to move out crap unless the owner of the place (be it local authority/private landlord/estate agency) has a decent case with which to evict you.

    As pick has said however, it's an unhealthy environment for you and for the kids. And do whatever it takes to stay in the children's lives. You might end up living alone, but that has to be slightly better than the unhealthy surroundings that you have right now, and the children have a right to see both parents, so she can't force you out of their lives.
  8. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Well, here it is, next day, and I'm still here.

    My biggest fear is the impact on the kids. You guys are right - I need to work to stay involved in their lives. I am dreading telling them the news. I love them, and I am afraid my heart will break at their reactions! I feel like I've failed them. They deserve a loving and stable home, one where they know the ones who care for them will always be there. And I'm physically not going to be there, anymore. If I would have been any kind of husband, this marriage might have worked.

    I'm so scared about what is going to happen, now. I don't know how our relationships will be different.

    Anyway, thanks everyone for the support. I guess I just have to go home and face it, now.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would hope YOU and your EX would sit down together calmly and talk to your children together to let them know that you both will still love them very much but for now you and their mom have to live seperately but that does not mean they will not have a mother and a father YOU will both remain in their lives hun
    Get your ex and yourself to go to a councelor and do this correctly for your children i hope she will be adult enough to see the harm that will be done if you do not separate on good terms in regard to your children
  10. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Eclipse.

    No, Ex is not the type to throw the kids under the bus just to satisfy her anger. Sure, she may get a little more harsh with them from time to time than I would like, but she has their best interests at heart, and wouldn't drag the kids into our conflicts.

    We will have to calmly tell them that this is what we have to do because we are bad for each other. But, as you said, I want to be able to tell them that I will see them as often as possible - which is why I am looking for a cheap apartment very close by. I want their lives to be disrupted as little as possible.

    In the meantime, I spent the evening with the kids, and am a little calmer, now. They don't know yet. I don't like the way things are going, but at least, for the moment, I don't feel so much like my life is over. Maybe my brain is numbing for a while to give me a rest from the trauma. And the drama.
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    That is good hun you spend time with your children because their love will help you through this calmly both of you can do this ok for the children and i do hope you find an apartment near by them. Who know hun you moving out may give you a chance to meet someone that will truly care about you hugs
  12. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Eclipse.

    I had sent an e-mail to ex, asking her how we were going to tell the kids, any terms she wanted for me visiting the kids, and what her budget was, so we could both pay our bills.

    Her answer was more comforting than I had expected. As advised above, she said she wanted to be together, and neutral, no blaming when we tell them. Just comfort them, let them know we both still love them and will spend time with them.

    She has no problem with me coming home to put them to bed a couple times a week, and taking them for sleepovers on weekends (of course, probably not all the kids at once - that would be a lot, and I suspect I will only be able to afford a small apartment). That is wonderful to know. She also wants to continue to celebrate holidays and birthdays together - so the kids will feel as little as possible that they are "missing out." Exactly what I was hoping for.

    She's working on the budget, and I am apartment shopping. Kind of scary. But at least it is good to know that we can still keep the things that keep me close to the kids.

    As for finding "someone else;" if you are talking about a romantic relationship, that is kind of out of the picture. We are practicing Catholics, so unless we were to get an annulment (kind of unlikely that the marriage would be declared null after 20 years), I can't look to find another romantic or sexual partner.

    But at least I might find some friends.

    Thanks, everyone.
  13. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    i am so happy for you, you hang in there, your kids will be fine they will always love you, just keep holding on to them and their love and love them
  14. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Psych - knowing how screwed up I am I hope you are able to look past my psychological issues and hear exactly what I am saying. My parents have been divorced since I was 2. I do not know of our life prior to the divorce, but let me tell you that I absolutely love my Dad. He stayed in my life. He picked me up every weekend and every Wednesday. He never missed a day that I can remember. He even called in between just to tuck me in. Just because he did not live in the same house as I did doesn't mean I didn't love him any less. He is a wonderful man that would give you the shirt off his back. And I am very proud that when I am not messed in the head, I take after him greatly. And from all the help I have received from you, and all the absolutely kind words, you too are an absolutely wonderful person. What I see of what you type about your kids tells me you are just as devoted to them as my dad was/is to me.

    I am now 44 years old and I still have a great relationship with him. He calls every 3 days just to check in. And there are days I call him just because I need to hear his voice. And let me tell you, I do not like being touched, let alone hugged, but next to my husband, he is the only one I will let hug me.

    Parents are not perfect, but neither are kids. Yes, your relationship will be different with your kids. But this is an opportunity given (well forced) on you to make it an even better relationship. What I am trying to tell you is that you and your ex don't have to live together for you to have an amazing relationship with your kids. They need you and you need them. Be there for them. Focus in them. Remind them you love them as often as possible. And find a way, together with the kids, to make this an even better relationship for you all.

    Hang in there Psych. It will be a struggle to start, but it will settle into something that who knows, you may never have expected. (I would out in this cool anima of me running and giving you a knuckle bump....or who knows, even a hug, but I don't know how to do that stuff)
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