I have been divorced for over 2 years now, and even though I have had a couple of relationships since, I still can't get rid of my feelings for my ex wife. We were together for 12 years, we got married at 20. She put up with my bipolar behaviour for all that time including my hospitalisations, paranoia, spending sprees etc etc. When I finally started agreeing to take medication it was too late for my marriage. It makes it worse by the fact that we remain good friends/ Now I am medicated, I am a different person than I used to be and I hate it. I am so lonely and have a cant be bothered attitude to life. The stigma of being a mental health patient is intense, I hate having to have by blood checked every 3 months, psychaiatrist and cpn appointments every month. I really feel my life is so worthless and cannot see a future. I am going to be 34 in march and the thought of another 34 years is unbearable. I sometimes feel hate towards the people who saved my life by resuciating me on my 2 suicide attempts. I hate the fact that so want to try it again and my feelings are strong to do it but I haven't gopt the bottle to try again. I have become so desentisized to other peoplkes views and feelings that I feel I am becoming subhuman. I desperatly would like to go back to my late teens when I was diagnosed and stayed on medications I was prescribed, my life may have turned out so different or maybe not. UUmmm, i;ve said enough I think.