Excellent thread title

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UnkelHeit, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I'm not even sure what to say or how. I joined this forum on a whim but shortly after decided to put some effort into it and give it a fair shot. However, I'm still not sure if I'll be sticking around. As usual I don't really feel like I fit in here. Fit in isn't exactly what I mean but close enough. I don't really think my words help anybody either.

    Anyway, I'm 37. I come from a broken home. My father abandoned us. My mother suffers from mental illness as well. She's never really faced the reality of her problems or just can't see it. So, she can see all the psychiatrists in the world. She'll never get better, though, because they won't know the full scope of what's going on. We've never had a good relationship. She kicked me out when I was 16. I'd never had a job or experience with the real world. My depression was already full blown. So, through the years I've been an alcoholic, homeless, etc.. I have had jobs. I went to college long enough to get an Associate's degree. I was doing a little better year before last. I went to a four year school but had to drop out because things just got worse and worse. I haven't been able to work for a few years. I had to go on disability. I had to quit my last job because I was having panic attacks. It turned out I also have SAD. At some point I had to move back into my mother's house. She's beyond what you call a hoarder or pack rat. Every room in the house is at least waste deep in stuff, newspapers, stuff she's bought that she'll never use and so on. It's not even just that. This house holds so many bad memories and pain for me. The holes I punched in the walls and other damage I did during my teens are still there. So every day I'm constantly reminded of everything. I don't know how to get out of here. I don't think it's possible to get well living here. I don't have any friends. "Family" members have just given up on me one by one.

    I didn't mean to give my life story but I don't feel like editing it. I only see one way out and it's always on my mind.
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    So sorry to hear about your sadness and difficulties.Im praying for you and hope you do too. Maybe you need to find a new place to live or fix the one you live in. Those memories can be rough. All of this can be improved.

    What about EMDR for panic attacks have you tried that? WHat about "Tapping". They both work well.

    Dont give up my life was much like your at your age. I was living at home with memories. But I keot faith and hope inside me and my life turned around. It will for you too.

    I will write if you need a friedn or to talk. PLEASE NEVER HURT YOURSELF. I REALLY BEG YOU NOT TO.

    SO many times its the best in life who get hurt the most. Dont let the negative win.We will help and give you love and hope.


  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi unkelheit. It sounds to me like you and your mom both desperately need an intervention. Your mom is a hoarder and needs her house cleaned out, before she can improve. You need to be placed in an alcohol rehabilitation center so that you can kick the habit once and for all. I used to watch the show "Intervention" pretty religiously until I lost the channel, and I think that this would be the best option for both you. :hug:
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    The truth is that you do have a choice. You can either listen to those lies in your head about things never getting better, and you can hold onto the feelings and allow it to continue to harden your heart. OR you can work towards picking up the pieces of your life, and turning away from all of the negative things in your life. Start working towards having a spiritual life, and start towards living the life you have always desired. It will be bumpy at first and may require a lot of faith, prayer, and trust. But I did it, and there are more out there that have done it and have overcome this. I have faith in you. There are things you can do around your mothers house as well, like garage sell. Clean to get piece of mind. Fix those holes in the wall. It is up to you to be productive or not. Blessings..
  5. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I appreciate all of your words but it's just not that simple. I have no money to move anywhere and no options. I don't drink anymore. There is no one to intervene. Police and even a social worker have been in the house. They did nothing. I tried to get family members involved. They did nothing. If you don't know about hoarders, they're possessive over their stuff. She won't let me clean. I've taken quite a few meds through the years. Nothing has helped. I've seen therapists, nothing.

    Marty, I looked up those treatments and will look more into them. I wasn't sure about the age range on here but it's good to know there is one.
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    There is a book called"Instant Emotional Healing" By Pratt and lambrou check ou the library or used books online. you can get it for a few bucks. You can do these techniques at home yourself.

    Praying for you,

  7. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks Marty. I'll look into that. Hope things are well with you. You or anybody else can PM me anytime.
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im here for you too!!!!
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I think that the relationships between you and your parents have affected how you are now, and I am sorry for that. I think you have focused so long on your mom that your own depression and issues have been ignored, that is so easy to do. i am 26 for a start and only really dealing with things, yeah I will say this there are good times and bad times as you have probably witnessed on the forums. You need to give yourself a chance to fix you, I think it is good you want to look up treatments, maybe if you focus on yourself for a while you can see how you get along, there are some amazing people on here to support you on your journey.

    Take care

  10. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks Rich. It's not really that I'm focused on my parents. I just still have a lot of anger and hurt. I was able to let some stuff towards my father go since he's been in the ground for some time. I don't even know where.

    Anyway, I have an appointment to go back to my doctor after giving up months ago. It's hard to feel much confidence after seeing so many doctors and trying so many meds. I guess it's better than complaining and doing nothing.
  11. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    It's good your going to the doctors, one thing I found that helped is seeing the same one. So finding a doc that is right for you and sticking with them, I found it hard to keep seeing a different doctor and having to explain over and over again, I really hope that it goes okay for you, and you are able to get some stabilty and support from them =)
  12. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I don't think my current doctor is the best. I have been seeing him for some time though, off and on. From time to time I just get discouraged and give up. At least he doesn't say stupid things like I've seen from other people's stories and experienced myself.

    I definitely need something for my anxiety as I'm starting to get sick again.
  13. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there buddy! The is hope. As they say the best things in life are free.Blessings...
  14. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks Daphna. You're in my thoughts as well. I hope things are ok with you. If you ever have a rough time I'll be around.
  15. Azmodius

    Azmodius Well-Known Member

    Hey, I know I've been talking to you on another thread, but only just got round to this one. I apologise.
    You've clearly been having a crappy time, I'm sorry for what you've been through. I agree with you in the last bit, I think you need to extricate yourself from there to get healthy. A clean slate to stabilise things. It's sad that family have abandoned you (believe me when I say, I understand this), and you don't have friends to talk through stuff or support you. I can only offer my ear and say that if you ever need to chat or just vent at all, don't hesitate to contact me. Also, don't worry about giving long posts, I'm happy to read and help with whatever you need.

    Better out then in!
  16. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks Azmodius. No apologies necessary. There's a lot of stuff on here.

    I think I may have wasted some time just wishing I could get out of here. Maybe I can't get better here but I don't have any options. So, I have to at least try.

    I may have said this before but I'm just a PM away. I don't have a life so I'm on quite a bit. I have days where I can't post but I'm always willing to listen.
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