I feel an escape is nearing. I'm not sure if it's positive or not but I hope it will be. What I want most is my inner-peace back. I envy the person I used to be; too bad I took so many things for granted. It's such a shame really. I look back at my past and recall what I thought were happy memories, and I do cherish them, but they also make me feel lost because I have a feeling I'll never feel even close to the same aliveness I once felt. It's not even just about what I think is wrong with me inside and out, something much more horrible has manifested in me. I am an empty shell of what I want to be and an empty husk of what I will never be. Feeling like I'm always reaching to better myself but always seems to be out of my grasp. Always reaching, never there.