Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by scarlettdrknss, Apr 15, 2013.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i'm 17 and i need my parents' agreement to get a tattoo. i talked to them and they said i can get one. but the problem is that my parents often change their mind. and since i had said that i think the tattoo would help me stop cutting, they want me to promise that i won't cut ever again if i get the tattoo.

    but i can't do that. first of all, i refuse to promise that because i know i will break it. second of all, i don't want to stop cutting.
    because cutting stops the suicidal thoughts, which are very often and very strong lately (which is why i'm cutting daily again). i smile and pretend i'm fine and they think i'm doing okay and that's why they keep demanding for me to stop cutting. they don't understand that it's cutting that makes it possible for me to seem okay. i had three break downs in my whole life and they all happened in the last 5 months (even though i've been like this for 5 years now - i think i'm actually getting worse, even though i had reached rock bottom 2 years ago and attempted suicide). and they just expect me to be okay, just like that, every day. i'm supposed to do everything like a normal teen and then be cheerful and nice and helpful. and to stop self harm. i can't do that. and i tell them i'm doing my best. i really am. but it's not enough for them.
    and either way, isn't this my life and my body? can't i cut my skin up then if it does me good and i don't have a problem with how it looks?
    that tattoo would mean a lot to me because i want to cover my body in art. i want to feel like my body is worth something. i don't feel good in my body. probably becuase i don't like humans and i don't like this world. so i don't like myself. tattoos would help with that. plus, i wouldn't cut where i have tattooos. so this would be the beginning of somehting good. it could be my first step to recovery. but cutting is really all i have left that makes me feel better and can i really give that up for a tattoo?
    i mean, i could just promise it to them and get the tattoo. but i know i won't stop cutting. i've learned to treasure cutting. it has been the one thing that has kept me alive, honestly. i can't give that up. i hate lying though. i don't want to lie and i don't want to hide my scars. so they will notice and will be even more disappointed in me and they will be very, very angry (they already are pretty angry) and then they won't allow me anything anymore.
    i fight myself to survive every day. they don't understand that. cutting helps me fight for life and so would the tattoo.... they just don't know how much it would mean to me.

    (i also self harm in other ways often enough, but cutting is something else)
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Cutting and suicidal thoughts mean that you need help. Your parents may not know how to cope or realise how badly you feel. Get some expert help fast.
  3. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i have expert help... but it hasn't helped.
    i will be getting new medication within this month though and probably a new therapist
    and my parents know that i kind of attempted suicide two years ago.
  4. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    ask for a second opinion or see some more senior if that helps, but i would tell your parents how your really feeling and get assistance. x
  5. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    it's so hard because every time i did end up telling them what i felt. or at least a bit of what i felt, i didn't get a reaction that comforted or soothed me but rather hurt me and made me feel worse. so i don't even want to talk to them anymore because i'm about 80% sure that it will just make everything worse and that i will regret it later (and i regret very few things in the end).
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