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Exhausted and feel like giving in.

#1
I am still fighting, still trying to keep going but I am so tired. Living with wanting to escape and leave this world every single day is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just give in to it. Sometimes I wish I could say to someone I’ve had enough and I’m just going to do it, I can’t fight any more. Just to give in to the voice in my head, have no other consideration for anyone else or the consequences, and finally make that jump and then allow what ever happens afterwards to happen. After I’ve taken that final decision and taken that final step everything would be out of my hands. Over to fait as to whether I live or die but it would give me a break and the biggest release I can imagine. I so desperately need to find a way of releasing everything that has built up. I can keep taking extra meds but they are becoming less and less effective. As a result I’m taking more and more but still not really getting the release that I need. I need to find something else that allows the pressure to escape and other than taking everything and seeing where it takes me I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what to do. I so desperately need to find a way to release the build up. I was told today, little steps, I’m just so tired I don’t know if I can.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
i'm sorry that you are still struggling so much. it sounds like you are in a pressure cooker without a relief valve. you can have a big release in a positive or negative way. try to do something that would be positive and make a great impact on your emotions. as an example plan and execute a big family reunion, plan and execute a big food drive for a local pantry, or something big like that. it won't cure your issues but it would probably take you out of the pressure cooker.

and i understand being tired of suicidal thoughts, wanting to just give up already. why should we continue to suffer. well for me just a little joy helps me get through the pain and other issues. please try to find a way to get some joy, you can do it...mike...*hug*shake
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#3
Living with wanting to escape and leave this world every single day is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just give in to it.
I felt this. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Is there some way you can take a break and do something you enjoy? Can you go for a walk or even just sit outside a while? I don't know if you have anyone IRL that you talk to about this but maybe that can help. Maybe even just eating your favorite food. I hope you find some release soon.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
Over to fait as to whether I live or die but it would give me a break and the biggest release I can imagine
I don't think you have to die to feel release from the thoughts in your head which are disturbing you. You can let them go instead of giving into them until they take over your whole mind. Imagine how wonderful you would feel if that self sabotaging voice was silent and let yourself experience it for a moment even, here and now. Give up the fight and struggle and enjoy the peace of emptying your mind of pain and fear laden thoughts
 
#7
@1964dodge @lightening05 @FlamingoWrangler @Lady Wolfshead @Lara_C
Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post. You have given me lots of ways to try to release the pressure in a different way. I know it is important to try but when you are so tired it is really hard. I will try though, tiredness is not an excuse for me to give up.

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I am struggling to sleep. But it is comforting to know you are all there xx
 
#8
Sometimes, physical activity Can help me. Random movement. An example, a few days ago, While waiting for someone in the car, my mind was going to a really ugly place. I got out of the car, picked up some trash & pulled some weeds In a parking lot. Stupid shit, but the distraction of the activity helped. I hope you Can find a way to unload your burden.
Distraction and keeping busy is a good technique but there will always come a time when I have to stop. I can’t keep going forever. When I stop, everything floods back. Tonight is a perfect example. I’ve got home from work, having been busy all day, all I want is peace and quiet but I’ve been bombarded by everyone else in the house who has come to share their stress of the day with me. As if I haven’t had enough of my own. They won’t leave me alone. Everyone wanting there little piece of me. The urge to SH is really high but that is simply not enough; the need to completely escape is almost overwhelming but I keep it all suppressed and pretend I’m ok. To continue till night time as if everything is ok whilst all the time all I want to do is disappear. Does this ever end? Does it always feel like this? How long can you go on like this? Is it better to just give up now?
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Hey there *hug

True that, that the meds you take for relief will become less effective, that is where it gets tricky, possibly leading you down a dangerous road.

I understand you need to find the release, the same release you would want from the medicine you take, the good news is that with a great therapist you get to know, trust and learn from you can be happy again without these toxic meds in the way.

An addiction counsellor or another specialised counsellor is the way to go, I know you are an amazing person and that you can beat this, you just have to believe it too and make a dream a reality. You have a heart of gold and we certainly do not want to lose you or let you go too soon.

We are all here rooting for you and we're here to give you support every day, whenever you need it *hug 💞
 
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#10
Thank you @Champagne that is very kind of you to say. I’m just so tired tonight I’ve lost all my energy to fight. It’s the end of a very long week and being bombarded as soon as I get home I just haven’t got the strength which makes everything so much harder to fight and to keep going. I just need to sleep but the days not over yet and I’ve still got things I need to do. Roll on the time I can curl up and sleep.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#11
No problem. *hug

I hope you get the chores done so you can chill this evening and chill out with a movie or just get the sleep you need.

When you feel like going for the meds, just pause and ask yourself, do I need to SH for this? Take a minute and listen to a song, like the Fight song by Rachel Platten and remember you are stronger than you think.

I hope you make nice plans for the weekend so you will have something to look forward to like a meal or shopping.

You can do this, have a wonderful night of rest *hug
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#15
Distraction and keeping busy is a good technique but there will always come a time when I have to stop. I can’t keep going forever. When I stop, everything floods back. Tonight is a perfect example. I’ve got home from work, having been busy all day, all I want is peace and quiet but I’ve been bombarded by everyone else in the house who has come to share their stress of the day with me. As if I haven’t had enough of my own. They won’t leave me alone. Everyone wanting there little piece of me. The urge to SH is really high but that is simply not enough; the need to completely escape is almost overwhelming but I keep it all suppressed and pretend I’m ok. To continue till night time as if everything is ok whilst all the time all I want to do is disappear. Does this ever end? Does it always feel like this? How long can you go on like this? Is it better to just give up now?
sometimes family doesn't think about your stress levels. have you tried a block of time set for you to not be bothered. say like i need an hour to unwind after work, and don't bother me unless it's an emergency. simply explain that if you have time to decompress you will be more pleasant....mike...*hug*shake
 
#16
@Champagne OMG. Ok I love Cimerolli. This is going to my new favourite. So many nice songs.

Thank you @1964dodge I do need to ask for time. I have tried but when they have been so used to having me on tap at any time, they seem to understand when I ask and then they forget when they need me. The other day one of my daughters was trying to ‘help’. But she then spent the next half an hour bombarding me with questions and drawing me in to the job because she didn’t know how to do some of it. So I’m trying to help she actually landed up pulling me in to something that I wasn’t planning on doing at that time and I landed up trying to do it all at the same time. She was trying to help so how can I tell her it made things worse?

I can’t go out for an hour without being texted or phoned by at least one of them.

Some crazy/scary ideas going on in my head today. I’ve tried contacting the shout text service but they are so busy they haven’t replied. Never mind. I’ll just go back into my life and try to carry on (listening to Cimerolli) Take care. Hope you are having a good day. Xx
 
#18
Hi @Holding my breath
i wish i had something to offer. i hope you are able to curl up and have a peaceful rest.

im unfamiliar with shout text. i looked it up... still kind of unsure.
Does it cost to text the USA? Ill pm my cell number to you. You can “shout” at me.😂. we can name it “vent”. Ill check my cell provider. If not maybe whatts app. I know my Irish neighbors use it to chat with their family. Just let me know if you want to try.
 
#19
Thank you @FlamingoWrangler that is so kind of you to offer. Shout is a text support service here in the uk. You simply text ‘shout’ to the number and they talk with you. Sometimes it’s easier to text than talk on the phone. But the service is quite well used and run by volunteers so it can take a while to get through. It is a free service though and I use it occasionally. The only thing with them is if they think you are in immediate danger they will send the emergency services. Whereas the Samaritans won’t. The Samaritans will stay on the line and wait with you till the line goes silent if you ask them to. They will never call for help unless you ask them too. They respect people’s decisions. Not really sure which approach is I think is best. I’m of a mixed opinion. I usually use Samaritans though.

Been very tearful today. My daughter leaves tomorrow and I know I will be devastated that she’s gone. Two of my children away at uni and I will miss them desperately. I suppose that’s why I have had the crazy thoughts that I have . But I don’t want them to be hurt or upset. I want them to have amazing lives and be happy. I don’t want them to worry about me.
 

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