I am still fighting, still trying to keep going but I am so tired. Living with wanting to escape and leave this world every single day is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just give in to it. Sometimes I wish I could say to someone I’ve had enough and I’m just going to do it, I can’t fight any more. Just to give in to the voice in my head, have no other consideration for anyone else or the consequences, and finally make that jump and then allow what ever happens afterwards to happen. After I’ve taken that final decision and taken that final step everything would be out of my hands. Over to fait as to whether I live or die but it would give me a break and the biggest release I can imagine. I so desperately need to find a way of releasing everything that has built up. I can keep taking extra meds but they are becoming less and less effective. As a result I’m taking more and more but still not really getting the release that I need. I need to find something else that allows the pressure to escape and other than taking everything and seeing where it takes me I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what to do. I so desperately need to find a way to release the build up. I was told today, little steps, I’m just so tired I don’t know if I can.