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Exhausted and feel like giving in.

@Holding my breath
Having our children turn into adults us bittersweet. Empty nest is hard.
Very true. I’m finding it particularly difficult as they’ve been around for the last 6 months due to lockdown so we’ve been together more than we would normally. I’ve gone from 5 to 3 in the house, my 14 year old son left. But it feels very strange and quiet. I think it’s going to take some getting used to. As you say empty nest is not easy. Xx
I cannot even begin to describe how I’m feeling tonight. Externally I’m calm and appear fine, carrying on as normal. Internally I am so screwed up and feel the panic rising. If I let the panic rise I will be a danger to myself. If I’m allowed to be on my own I know I will take advantage and be a danger to myself. But I want to be in danger. I want to be triggered. I want be able to give in. I need to be able to let this out. I want to look up triggering things. I want to hurt myself. I want an emergency response. I want to be in hospital. I want to die. I can’t do this. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t call anyone. They have given me all these numbers but I can’t call. I have to keep pretending. Pretending. Pretending. Pretending. Pretending to be ok.

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