I'm 26 and I've been severely depressed, anxious and agoraphobic since I had a nervous breakdown at 14. I managed to make somewhat of a recovery for a time. I fell in love, got married. Things got worse again. Each day, they get worse. I don't work. I can't leave my apartment. I'm trapped. I consider my life a 'hovel'. I don't shower or bathe most of the time. I rarely clean. I rarely cook. I'm stuck inside this apartment. I hate this apartment. I do nothing all day. I'm always exhausted. Always tired. I miss fresh air. I hurt. I always hurt. I'm physically deteriorating due to lack of exercise. My anxiety is crippling. I can barely move. The thought of doing ANYTHING makes me anxious. I don't see anyone besides my husband. I'm afraid of people judging me. I'm afraid of people looking at me. I'm afraid of them asking questions. I don't see a doctor. The stress of going to see a doctor, being prescribed medication which doesn't help, being shuffled out the door before my hour is even up, is not worth it. I feel like a failure for not killing myself. Every year that passes, I feel I've been a greater burden on the world (more specifically, my husband). I feel I'm wasting his life. Destroying his life. Everyday my husband goes to work. I do nothing. He gets home. I've done nothing. I want to die so much at that moment. I wish he didn't have to see it. I wish I could have something to show, something to justify how I spent the day. I promise that I'll do this, this and this. But it never happens.