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Exhausted. Ashamed. Nothing.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lethargy, Jan 4, 2010.

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  1. lethargy

    lethargy New Member

    I'm 26 and I've been severely depressed, anxious and agoraphobic since I had a nervous breakdown at 14. I managed to make somewhat of a recovery for a time. I fell in love, got married. Things got worse again. Each day, they get worse.

    I don't work. I can't leave my apartment. I'm trapped. I consider my life a 'hovel'. I don't shower or bathe most of the time. I rarely clean. I rarely cook. I'm stuck inside this apartment. I hate this apartment. I do nothing all day. I'm always exhausted. Always tired. I miss fresh air. I hurt. I always hurt. I'm physically deteriorating due to lack of exercise. My anxiety is crippling. I can barely move. The thought of doing ANYTHING makes me anxious.

    I don't see anyone besides my husband. I'm afraid of people judging me. I'm afraid of people looking at me. I'm afraid of them asking questions.

    I don't see a doctor. The stress of going to see a doctor, being prescribed medication which doesn't help, being shuffled out the door before my hour is even up, is not worth it.

    I feel like a failure for not killing myself. Every year that passes, I feel I've been a greater burden on the world (more specifically, my husband). I feel I'm wasting his life. Destroying his life.

    Everyday my husband goes to work. I do nothing. He gets home. I've done nothing. I want to die so much at that moment. I wish he didn't have to see it. I wish I could have something to show, something to justify how I spent the day. I promise that I'll do this, this and this. But it never happens.
  2. CarCrash

    CarCrash Member

    Does your husband not love you? Your main problem right now is branching out to the outside world. I know how you feel about being afraid of others and that outside world. I still sometimes can't really face certain situations, but as I've learned, things aren't as bad as one may think. While there's a good crop of people who are completely selfish inside-out, there are still a good number of people are are really friendly and actually sincerely want his/her friend to benefit and be happy. Are you living in a bad neighborhood? If so, you should find somewhere else to live. Before I started college in fall 2009, I used to live in a terrible neighborhood. I was afraid to go outsides sometimes. I just go out to school and grab an education. Now I started college, and started living on campus. The atmosphere is totally different. Everyone is completely nice and their attitudes are totally different. This changed me a lot. My home is actually 30 mins or so away from campus, so I occasionally head back to my old house, and with my new campus life, my attitude pretty much changed too. I'm not really that afraid to face people anymore. I started seeing the brighter side of things. The whole "everyone probably hates me and looks at me differently" was just all in my head. Not everyone fits in with that. There are genuinely good people out there. You have to actually go out and look for it. Hey, you might bump into some bad people, but everyone will eventually. You can't let happiness just happen. You have to make it happen. You can't just hope for the suffering to just spontaneously stop. It just doesn't. You have to make it stop. You have to go out more, seek help. Don't be afraid to see the doctor. If you don't want the medication, you can choose not to take them, but at least see him. There are other options other than medication. If you still love your husband, then try to make things better because you can! I know you can. If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. Hope things turn out better. I suggest taking showers too! They feel good! And if you don't want to cook, then don't, but if you do, try making these banana crumb muffins. Look them up. They taste awesome. Also, try making smoothies. I love smoothies. Just gather the fruits you like, blend them with other stuff!
  3. optimistic

    optimistic Member

    I understand how do you feel. My dad had severe nervous breakdown and was in similar situation for about 7 years. He loved his work in business but got into heavy depression because of work itself. he wouldn't talk to other people, don't go outside of home, no appetite, always angry at others and he couldn't go to work for almost 5 years. But never ever our family members felt that he was burden because we loved him and knew his condition was.

    Eventually he got better with medication and meditation exercises. Initially, he wouldn't see anybody except my mom and home doctor. As he got little better,he took medication from neurologist and homeopathic doctor and now is almost recovered.

    So I would suggest talking to your husband about your condition. By forcing you to see a doctor, he may be thinking that you will get annoyed. But putting off such decision will only worsen your condition and will take longer time to heal.

    Don't try to keep your problems to yourself. Talk with your parents, friends or even here about your problems. Go with your husband for a walk, if you feel like getting fresh air. And i request you to at least call a doctor home to see you. And as things get better, you will feel more comfortable doing work and be happier.
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    how are you?
    welcome to SF,im so sorry to hear that.im alos have depression that let me be soo tired,i dont go outside my bed room,dont clean, shower, or wake cos the tired feeling,its so bad.I hust wanna tell you that you are not alone.
    Take care :hug:
  5. History

    History Well-Known Member

    thats me. only that I'm the male version. I'm so lethargic and tired everyday and no matter what I do, it doesnt go away. and my life has gone down the drain.
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