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Exhausted, mind, body and soul.

Dante

SF Supporter
#1
My job is about 90% mental and 10% physical (I work for IT MSP), but on Wednesday this week the office remodel had a major cleanup to do and I got roped in to help and ended up working all day on physical labour, more than once transferring piles of boxes each more than 30kg up multiple flights of stairs solo. By the end of the day I was a complete physical wreck.

On Thursday we carried on from Wednesday, we had done most of the hard stuff on Wednesday, but I could barely grip the boxes anymore and I somehow managed to bang my head over a dozen times on just about every surface. By half way through the day I was ready to *push* any poor bastard who got in my way and I was lifting things by hooking them with my wrists because my fingers were useless. My body was barely listening to me anymore and having to keep pushing despite all the inconveniences just made me more and more angry, but the company owner asked me to help out and if I didnt, this one poor guy would have had to do everything on his own (which is just not right).

Today, finally back on IT work I only had 80 boxes to put into our storage in prep for some system rebuilds for several of our clients, a relatively easy job, and that's when my side exploded with pain. I have been having intermittent excruciating pain in my side for about a year, in all this time none of the doctors I have seen seem bothered in finding out whats wrong and I have been prescribed no pain management, and despite badgering both my local hospital and GP over and over I still have no clue what the cause is. Every test says I am perfectly healthy, and every doctor seems happy to leave it at that and I have to make another appointment myself. Anyway, back to today, my side started hurting around midday, and by 1pm I could barely move, by 1:30pm I was curled up in a ball using every ounce of my will power to keep from screaming (this is coming from someone who walked on a broken foot for 2 weeks as a kid before complaining to anyone about the pain). I didn't bother going to a doctor, because that didnt work the last 3 times I had tried (they make me sit in a waiting room for several hours, then get a nurse to suggest ibuprofen) so I just toughed it out for about 4 hours until the pain was back down from hellish torture to around severe cramp levels, my eyes were red from blinking back tears, my whole body was shaking, and the only thing to do was get back to work because after a year of this, if I went home every time it happened I wouldnt ever get anything done.

So after these last 3 days my body is completely drained from wednesday, my mind from thursday, and my spirit is well and truly crushed from today, all in all leaving me feeling fragile and drained in every way.

Oh, and edit: My side still hurts even now, not enough for me to be unable to ignore it, but enough to make me think it is going to flare up another few times before it goes away properly again (it does this, every now and then it will make me wish I were dead for a few days, sometimes as long as a month will go by between it happening, sometimes only a few days)
 
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#2
"You know you are fucked when you worry you are too much of a downer for the members of suicide forum." <Quoting members signature>

I haven't laughed in a long time, but this is hilarious :D
 
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Dante

SF Supporter
#4
Sorry that this happened Dante


Was it your left or right? Does it feel like it's a muscle or something else?

I hope things can get better soon
Right side, it feels deep, but doesnt seem to be muscular (doesnt respond strongly to tensing muscle groups, if its not too bad I can even lift heavy objects and lean side to side without much of a reaction from it), though it does seem to respond favourably to leaning away from the pain (it makes it maybe 5-10% less painful over time) it also seems to be triggered by high levels of activity and i think i noticed some correlation between fluctuations in my diet and the pain. Levels of hydration seem to have no effect (high or low)

I have had numerous tests, I have healthy blood-sugar, kidney and liver function, normal blood pressure, no UTI, low cholesterol, they ruled out cancer and they DID find a stone in my kidney, but its way too small to be causing the pain (they almost didn't detect it) its likely only just forming.

To be honest, I have had kidney stones before back at university (I was horribly dehydrated back then) and this feels similar, but not quite the same, and the pain behaves differently.
(When kidney stone pain stops it stops suddenly, but this is gradual tapering off, kidney stones was never affected by posture or leaning or stretching, whereas I have noticed some preferences with leaning away from the pain on this one, kidney stones seemed only loosely connected to physical activity, whereas it is an almost certain trigger for this etc)
 
#5
If conventional medicine can't do anything for you, you might want to try getting an acupuncture treatment.

I didn't bother going to a doctor, because that didnt work the last 3 times I had tried (they make me sit in a waiting room for several hours, then get a nurse to suggest ibuprofen)
Was this at an urgent care clinic? The care you get there tends to be a bit shoddy. If you got an appointment with your regular doctor, maybe you'd get a more thorough examination and not have to sit in a waiting room so long.
 

Dante

SF Supporter
#6
If conventional medicine can't do anything for you, you might want to try getting an acupuncture treatment.


Was this at an urgent care clinic? The care you get there tends to be a bit shoddy. If you got an appointment with your regular doctor, maybe you'd get a more thorough examination and not have to sit in a waiting room so long.

The times I went in pain were A&E (pretty much urgent care clinic yea) but I also had several appointments to investigate this at the hospital, and each time the doctor will run a test, only occasionally bother to give me the results (one time I had to ask a nurse) and each time, whether they found anything or not, that was it, they didn't take it any further, like "Ok, so you're in extreme pain, well its not this so.. were done." and I will have to book another appointment myself to test for something else, they don't even suggest it, I have to call the hospital again after I leave. The GP is much better, but they cant do much and can only really refer me back to the hospital which puts me in a waiting list months long to meet a doctor who couldnt be more clear that they dont care why I'm in pain.

I am a grown man in his VERY early 30s who is intermittently in debilitating pain and not one doctor seems to care, they have no idea what it is, it could even be life threatening or doing permanent damage, no one knows, because no one knows what it is.

About a month back a NURSE decided to run several tests to help me out (more than all the doctors combined) and she ruled out a fuckload of things, but she got a potential positive for UTI on a dipstick test (no one had tested for that in almost a year of me bothering them) a follow up test proved it wasnt that, but if it HAD been an infection in my kidney, after a whole year to this point without treatment my kidney would have been destroyed, and that was only 1 possibility, I still dont know if this is causing me lasting damage or is even killing me, it certainly hurts enough. I have walked for weeks on a broken foot, I have gone to work with food poisoning, 5 years ago I even went to work as normal on 18+ hour shifts with kidney stones without any working pain management so I'm no pushover, but the pain in my side now is too much to function with when it hits.
 

Dante

SF Supporter
#7
"You know you are fucked when you worry you are too much of a downer for the members of suicide forum." <Quoting members signature>

I haven't laughed in a long time, but this is hilarious :D
I was just re-reading some of these, and I'm glad you laughed. I always found I'm funnier when I'm depressed, yet more evidence I suppose :)
 

FlamingoWrangler

Well-Known Member
#8
Hey there @Dante

i hate it when the pain gnaws away, and seems to kill my spirit. Im hanging on the edge already! It sucks to know others even know that its possible. I hope some good rest & support helps you recover.

i love your tag line too. I feel that way too. 🙃

what stuff got ruled out by the testing? I am wondering about an irritable bowel syndome /spasms/ Intermittent colon blockage (like a kinked hose). The pain can be miserable, but there aren't great tests that identify it.
 

Dante

SF Supporter
#9
Hey there @Dante
what stuff got ruled out by the testing? I am wondering about an irritable bowel syndome /spasms/ Intermittent colon blockage (like a kinked hose). The pain can be miserable, but there aren't great tests that identify it.
Not much is ruled out so far, its only been a year and the doctors dont really care so...
So far they have ruled out cancer (though they never actually bothered testing for it), they found a kidney stone but its way too small to cause pain yet (like 1mm and its just sitting in the kidney still forming), so that's essentially ruled out, there is no infection in the kidney on that side... thats about it for ruling things out really, though they did more tests which showed good kidney and liver function, normal blood-sugar, low cholesterol, normal enough blood pressure etc.

Essentially they have done very little ruling out, and IBS is a diagnosis of exclusion, besides, does IBS generally trigger from increased physical activity? This is the only reliable trigger or pattern I have found so far.
 
#10
@Dante
IBS or bowel obstruction pain might worsen with activity. “pain worsened with activity“ isnt a symptom that would direct a dr to These diagnosis. it is more of a grasping at straws thought.
if possible, consider talking to family members that might know about your family’s health history. It might give you some clues.
i hope you are feeling better today!
 

Dante

SF Supporter
#11
@Dante
IBS or bowel obstruction pain might worsen with activity. “pain worsened with activity“ isnt a symptom that would direct a dr to These diagnosis. it is more of a grasping at straws thought.
if possible, consider talking to family members that might know about your family’s health history. It might give you some clues.
i hope you are feeling better today!
I know my family's health history, no history of IBS. My family has a history of cancer, high blood pressure, male-pattern baldness, arthritis (in the women) a few strokes, and one problematic gallbladder.
 

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