Exhausted

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mcmanus, Apr 19, 2013.

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  1. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    Been dealing with depression for 35 years now. I'm 48. I'm so sick and tired of it. Haven't made a suicide attempt for 27 years but want to every day. Tried therapy and meds on and off for 13 years. Meds were only a temporary fix for me. Tried many kinds with same result, feeling the same way.
    Last therapist betrayed me under the blanket of doing their job and protecting me. BS! That was 6 years ago. I'll never trust another doctor again.
    I'm on my own with this. Can't talk to friends about because it will drive them away. I know this from experience, many times. Wife wants me to talk to her about it. Can't. She has no idea how tenacious I can be about it.
    New country, new wife, new step daughter, no job. Living off savings. Depleting all I struggled for. Not blaming anyone but me. My decisions, for which I alone am responsible, got me to where I am now.
    Trying to live up to a promise I made myself to outlive my parents. Dad passed in December. Mom is fighting multiple cancers and has been for 5 years. She just keeps on going.
    I don't know if I'll be able to keep the promise. Once Mom goes then I can go. I don't owe anything to anyone else.
    Vanishing would be nice. I just don't want to hang on anymore. It's exhausting and debilitating.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just making the offer to listen and give support if you need someone to talk to.
     
  3. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    Thanks Wild. I have trouble talking because the guilt and pain are so intense.< edit mod total eclipse method> Probably won't do anything though because I'm such a stupid fuck.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2013
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry hun i deleted your method not allowed ok so please read rules also hun you say you owe nothing to noone what about your wife and new stepchild hun I know you said you have tired many meds but each day they do develop new ones especially now they have medication for hard to treat depression
    I hope you continue to reach out here to continue to talk here because people do understand and will not judge you hugs
     
  5. Mcmanus

    Mcmanus Active Member

    Sorry Eclipse. Will keep in mind. Note that the rules cannot be viewed on my iPhone.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Its ok hun just keep talking to us ok you are not stupid hun you are tired of the fight that all. I am glad you are here so we can help you
     
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