I am at the end of myself. I've been officially depressed for 12 years now. Currently, I'm in a particularly rough few months. I don't even know where to begin + put context on who I am + why I feel the way that I do. All I know is that I am exhausted. I'm tired of medications that stop working or don't work at all, I'm tired of feeling anxious the minute I wake up, I'm tired of not being able to sleep, I'm tired of being overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks, I'm tired of not enjoying things, I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my husband [even though he really is so, so incredibly patient + supportive], I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to...etc, etc, etc. I've thought about cutting myself a lot these last few days but didn't want to go down that road again [its been years]. I keep thinking about suicide + have even researched ideas + methods. I just want a break. I, honestly, do not want to die or hurt myself but I just want an escape or something else to feel other than emptiness or misery. I'm so lost + exhausted. I hate that I feel so alone that I'm spilling my heart out to an online forum. It feels pathetic. I am grateful for it, though. I don't know what I'm trying to say other than I need help.