Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jessicaaaa, Apr 14, 2015.

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  1. jessicaaaa

    jessicaaaa New Member

    I am at the end of myself.

    I've been officially depressed for 12 years now. Currently, I'm in a particularly rough few months. I don't even know where to begin + put context on who I am + why I feel the way that I do. All I know is that I am exhausted. I'm tired of medications that stop working or don't work at all, I'm tired of feeling anxious the minute I wake up, I'm tired of not being able to sleep, I'm tired of being overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks, I'm tired of not enjoying things, I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my husband [even though he really is so, so incredibly patient + supportive], I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to...etc, etc, etc.

    I've thought about cutting myself a lot these last few days but didn't want to go down that road again [its been years]. I keep thinking about suicide + have even researched ideas + methods. I just want a break. I, honestly, do not want to die or hurt myself but I just want an escape or something else to feel other than emptiness or misery. I'm so lost + exhausted.

    I hate that I feel so alone that I'm spilling my heart out to an online forum. It feels pathetic. I am grateful for it, though.

    I don't know what I'm trying to say other than I need help.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi jessica, sure sounds like you have been through a lot. Glad your husband is very patient and there for you, that makes a huge difference when suffering depression to know that someone cares enough about you to fight it with you. You're not pathetic at all, we all have our ups and downs. May I ask was there a reason for the initial onset of your depression? You can talk to us here, in confidence. We may not have all the answers but we will try. :hug:
  3. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Hey !

    Let it all out.
    The best way usually is to go out, maybe on your own and somehow face yourself but without the weight of your usual world that might look like a prison from time to time.
    Go out, look outside to see inside ! (that sounds very guru words ... sorry)

    THen I would say take time to see the world around you. Forget about you to fall into compassion. You will see bad things but you will find unexpected beauty in simple things. That will give sens of all this.

    This would be my advice. :tweetiepie:

    Anyway take care ! It's good that you have someone by your side and you're able to acknowledge it !
    come hee anytime
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2015
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Long term depression is most definitely harsh (40 + years) but here you don't have to be alone

    Sometimes just posting, having an outlet, can help you cope

    And if you feel something may be too personal you can put in the private area

    PM if you want but know I can't always answer quickly

    Hope you can find some relief
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