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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bipolarbiped, Jun 4, 2007.

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  1. bipolarbiped

    bipolarbiped Active Member

    I have been battling ptsd, bipolar, and borderline personality for many years now and I am rapidly approaching the end. This forum seems to be my final stand I guess. I have lost hope in that I will ever be truly happy and that I will be able to contribute positively to life. It seems that everything I do turns to excrement. I have such a negative impact on my daughter and my husband; I just don't want to continue to hurt them anymore. I know that the 'Final Solution' will ultimately hurt them both but it would be the last time. I just see no alternative. I have a few obligations to follow through on, the final one being over July 4th. After that, I can put my plan into motion. All of the preparations have been made, you know, the usual getting ones affairs in order; so now it is just a wait game. I thought I would take advantage of the waiting and post here; afterall this is the only thing I haven't tried yet.
  2. KyleKW

    KyleKW Well-Known Member

    You sound like me... wanting to complete responsibilities, bring an end to the troubles it causes others. But I've realized the responsibilities never stop, nothing I'd do would be enough so no sense in wasting the time/energy. I've noticed (from others who have passed away) that once you're gone it's surprising how fast it can seem like you were never there to begin with.

    You're wanting to be 'here' for the July 4th obligations, for whatever reason, any chance that's enough to build a 'one day at a time' philosophy on... may not be the best life but a few good things (like a daughter and husband) can make it worthwhile. Certainly not telling you what to do (or not), but this week I am looking very hard for reasons myself... thought maybe I'd share the idea.

    Am someone who understands and listens.
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, I'm sorry to hear you're stuggling so much. I hope you don't go through with your plans, it sounds like you've been struggling for a while now but keep fighting and hanging in there. You say you have been a bad influence on your husband and daughter, I'm sure you haven't, and even if you have done something wrong, it can't be worse than you dying. They love you and they don't want that to happen. Can you lean on your husband for support? How about talking to your doctor/therapist about how you are feeling? :hug:
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