exhaustion and illness

[it 1s what it is]

I am just sitting here with a bottle of pills, my only fear is being unsuccessful. Frankly because i have never succeeded at anything in my life, and why would i at something i want more then anything. My luck... i do nothing but end up making my situation worse. Or to the point where i can't do it right the next time when that comes around. I just want a one and done kind of solution. I have no desire to live and no future ahead of myself. I could go out and buy a gun but that would take too long and might cause problems if i am caught. Then where would i shoot myself. Atleast with pills i can fall asleep in bed and not wake up. It would look like i just fell asleep. I doubt they would do a tox screen or autopsy, i mean what is there to look in to.
Does anyone know the right combination where i would just drift off and not wake up?

 

[Oceans]

I'm sorry you feel that life is over for you. I too fear of being unsuccessful and being worse off physically to re-attempt. Going off to sleep seems like the best way to die, i like it too but the damage to kidney and liver if you survive can make living worse.

 

[Acy]

Frankly because i have never succeeded at anything in my life, and why would i at something i want more then anything.

Heya,

You know, you've been very successful just now - in expressing how dark a place you're in. For the record, no one on SF will give you information about methods because we are a pro-life site. However, support in rough seas is abundant around here.

Would you like to talk about what's been getting you so down? Has anything in particular happened lately that made you feel this badly?

There are always other options, but when we're feeling down and out, it's really hard to see them. At the very least, how about waiting for a while before making that one big decision? Emotional decisions are not usually our best decisions.

PM me anytime.

:hug: for now and see you round about on the forum,

A.

 

[Motogirl]

Hey, I've been there, exhausted with illness. Want to elaborate? Whats going on Right Now thats making you want to do this?

 

[it 1s what it is]

I feel sick all the time, i have been depressed for the past 15 years, on and off medication that made things worse. Always having others puting me down and when they are not aorund i do it to myself. I cannot sleep anymore because my dreams plague me. I have no future and nothing worth living for. I do not have the energy to move most of the time and i have stopped eating recently. I just want to waste away and never wake up. Its only a matter of time anyway i am so exhausted.

 

[Motogirl]

You say you have been on and off medication...are you off it right now? Has no one been able to get a combination going for you? Or are you just disgusted with it all and do not want to take anything anymore?

 

[it 1s what it is]

i have not been on medication for years, i am just going to take a long drive this friday and see where i end up. Someonewhere scluded and with minimal risks i will make a mistake. I have no desire to live and no future ahead of myself. Its really not something i have any interest in. I think suicide is a choice and i have weighed my options and this is the only think i have ever cared to do my entire life.

 

[Stranger1]

You don't want to take the pills. You yourself said you have stomach problems. If you OD you more than likely throw them back up and drown in your own vomit. It is not a pretty sight. Have you been in therapy? with the right med combianation and therapy you can learn how to cope with these feelings. If you have been in therapy and didn't get anything out of it then you need a new therapist.There are alot of them who are in it just for the money. It took me three therapists before I found Gina, she is great at what she does. You also need to tell them everything or you will just waste yours and hers/his time. I wish you luck and I hope you decide on getting help rather than doing something harsh!!~Joseph~

 

[it 1s what it is]

I do not want to take the pills because i am convinced that i wont OD on them. The amount is not enough. I am going to buy a gun tomorrow. I just have to take a drive somewhere desolate and pull the trigger, it will be weeks or years before they find me and it wont matter. I feel ill all the time because i have not eaten in days and my mental state makes my physical state feel worse. Doctors never listen and pass you off after the hour and get their check. Medicine has no effect besides side effects. That level of practice is all theoretical because nothing is sure fire in medication for everyone when diagnosing depression and suicidal tendencies. I have no desire to live out my life and no future ahead of me, the fact this is frowned upon is because thats a social norm. People argue for pro choice, so why can't i abort myself? it should be my choice and I am sensible enough to weigh my options and say hay i am not interested in this ride. Bye.

 

[fromthatshow]

What about therapy?
You have just not found the right person to help you yet, but they are out there. I've been through a lot of doctors who didn't understand what I was going through, tried to pass it off as something else and thought I was better before I really was, but I've found a therapist now who is helping, and is determined to get me the help I need.
So I'm saying, there are good doctors out there who can help you. Keep looking. Go to the hospital if you have to. Look for programs, support groups. Even if you don't find anything for a while, just looking should give you hope. And know that you deserve help. Block out the other voices and listen to our voice telling you that you are not a failure and you are very worth saving.
You said yourself that when others aren't putting you down, you are. This to me is saying you have hope. You KNOW what your problem is. Others put you down and now you do it to yourself. This CAN be changed. Working with a good therapist, a friend, or even a random inspiring moment can cause you to change your thinking and maybe find some happiness on this Earth.
You are not a hopeless case. Sometimes it's hard to see the problem, but I think you have a good starting point. Look for help, and make sure everyone knows the seriousness of your problem.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope Friday nothing bad happens. I hope you will be with us for long after Friday.
:heart: :arms:

 

[it 1s what it is]

Doctors wont help and i do not care to spend all the time looking for what i know will not help me, i do not see what its wrong to have a desire to not want to live out the rest of my life, i have no future and no desire to sit behind a desk doing something i hate and be made fun of by whoever is around the office forever so i can do that everyday, for what? just to keep living...which i do not want to do. Life is a monotonus boring episode that drags on with peaks and valleys and you always end up where you started. And for me i have no desire to live that out. Why that shouldnt be my choice, i will never understand. I know what my options are and i am choosing. I am sick of others choosing for me and thinking they know whats best. No one can know whats best for anyone. Not just me.