I feel totally mentally and physically exhausted, though I've done bugger all today. My head feels set to burst with all the thoughts that keep going round and round, I hardly slept last night because of it. My arms and chest hurt because I'm so anxious, but what I'm anxious about I have no idea. I hate feeling like this, and somehow I'm convinced it must be my fault, like I could just snap out of it if I tried hard enough. I hate myself, I hate how pathetic I am. I'm convinced that nearly everyone I know can't stand me, not surprising really, I'm utterly useless. I should be stronger, better, try harder. I'm just letting everyone down, I always do I guess I should be used to it by now. I can't get the thoughts of a certain method out of my head, it'd be pretty much foolproof, but I'm too much of a coward to do it. I wish I could just fade away because I'm nothing, I'm a disgusting freak. Maybe if reincarnation is real I should just kill myself now and life might get it right next time around instead of the mistake it created this time. Sometimes I seriously consider doing surgery on myself, but again I'm a coward and too afraid of the pain. It'd be monumentally stupid anyway and bound to go wrong. I wish I could just find one thing that would make me a worthwhile person, but I always manage to fuck up anything good by being afraid to live life. Urgh, I'm such whiney boring idiot, ignore all this, I'll be fine I always am.