I'm in an existential crisis. I've always had trouble not looking at the big picture of existence, but anymore it's all I can think about. I've done countless hours of research about life and all different points of view on our existence. I just keep coming back to the conclusion that life is completely pointless. I don't personally find life enjoyable and, if it is pointless, then what good is continuing it? I could try to live up to my full potential and possibly help the human race advance and move forward, but what good is that when there's no way the human race will exist for eternity? Even if we spread out to the stars at some point, we can't exist indefinitely. And any form of afterlife just seems like wishful thinking created in order to allow people to continue functioning and not think about it. I've tried to talk to many people about these thoughts and no one wants to think/talk about it or I get some religious speech. I don't really have any close friends anymore and the few friends I do have don't think about such things. Lately I've just been letting my life spin out of control because I don't have anything to ground me. I've thought about suicide every day for years now and I can't think of any reason against it. The only thing keeping me going is my instinctual fear of death. But I feel like at some point I might become angry and depressed enough to overcome that. I used to have much more self control and rational thought, but lately any little thing might set me off into some extreme emotion(e.g. I embarrass myself in a social situation and then feel like killing myself for a week+ and then just remembering it might set it off again). I'm just at a complete loss with this, I really wish I were like all the other people who just go about their lives and never wonder why or question their religion no matter how miserable they are. I guess I just feel like venting and hoping something might come of it.