Existential Crisis

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Passive, Jul 17, 2011.

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  1. Passive

    Passive Member

    I'm in an existential crisis. I've always had trouble not looking at the big picture of existence, but anymore it's all I can think about. I've done countless hours of research about life and all different points of view on our existence. I just keep coming back to the conclusion that life is completely pointless. I don't personally find life enjoyable and, if it is pointless, then what good is continuing it? I could try to live up to my full potential and possibly help the human race advance and move forward, but what good is that when there's no way the human race will exist for eternity? Even if we spread out to the stars at some point, we can't exist indefinitely. And any form of afterlife just seems like wishful thinking created in order to allow people to continue functioning and not think about it. I've tried to talk to many people about these thoughts and no one wants to think/talk about it or I get some religious speech. I don't really have any close friends anymore and the few friends I do have don't think about such things.

    Lately I've just been letting my life spin out of control because I don't have anything to ground me. I've thought about suicide every day for years now and I can't think of any reason against it. The only thing keeping me going is my instinctual fear of death. But I feel like at some point I might become angry and depressed enough to overcome that. I used to have much more self control and rational thought, but lately any little thing might set me off into some extreme emotion(e.g. I embarrass myself in a social situation and then feel like killing myself for a week+ and then just remembering it might set it off again). I'm just at a complete loss with this, I really wish I were like all the other people who just go about their lives and never wonder why or question their religion no matter how miserable they are.

    I guess I just feel like venting and hoping something might come of it.
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i understand how you feel. im glad you are here with us.
  3. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    yeah I've been thinking about the same things as you. What's the point. Eventually we all die, so why fight for it when it doesn't give you any good.
    But that's the point where I have some credit: I'm still able to see some good things. I can enjoy nature, animals, my cats. I don't know if there isn't anything you like? Than maybe that can be your point for living (for now).
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Well, it was philosophers who 'invented' existentialism - but they make the same mistake many of us make - questioning too much about life when I really think some of those guys and ladies ought to have been living life!

    For sure some were no doubt - but its like existentialism might have been depression for many - I mean, we all know there are doubts in life - uncertainties and so on. You got to find your own truths - but there is nothing new under the sun! Its just your experience of life that is unique - but we share so much that you just need to connect with people who share your views and enjoy questioning things.

    You ought to at least make sure that, whilst your thinking about life being meaningless - maybe get educated and realise that you likely have depression - and that can SHAPE how we think.

    So whilst its perfectly normal for any thinking man or woman to think long and hard about the meaning of life - remember that there are many very simple things in life which give you meaning.

    Example? OK -

    A philosopher walks into a bar. He makes his way to a group of men in deep conversation. Talking about religion! He thinks to himself "excellent - I can dismiss religion as a man-made scare tactic - denounce the churches and point out the numbers slaughtered in various 'religious wars'.

    But then he spots a pretty women - so he uses his powers of thought and recognises that although he is attracted to her - we all die - and love is actually just a biological process. Evolution has played a trick no less! And a philosopher has to be realistic and never claim something exists without proof.

    Anyhow - what I'm saying that sometimes we ask too much about life - we hesitate living it.

    That philosopher in the pub - he never even had a drink! Maybe he should have - and pointed out that the meaning of life - was actually - 7 O'Clock - a pretty women, or if your a woman - some guy - a dude - but hopefully not just randomly - but it happens.

    Anyhow - you don't have to jump off the deep end here - and a a lot of you are young here - you don't want to get too caught up in one thing, one religion, one philosophy - one 'neat' answer.

    Anyhow - I'm off to cook something now - because if I don't eat something - I'll starve for sure!

    Or maybe I should think about eating - envision the existential process of eating - the pointlessness of it all. I joke! Then again with my cooking - it might enhance the pointlessness of it all. Tomato Ketchup is the point perhaps?

    So, in short, my answer is yes - what the fu** is happening - and, I have to say - nothing comes from nothing. We are not islands - we should connect at some point otherwise there might well be no point unless your like me and would cry for joy in a post apocalyptic nuclear situation. I joke - I hope!

    Regards anyhow - and I think you know depression plays a role in thought so be careful not to follow this 'nothing actually exists' theory.

    After all if it did not - you'd not be thinking about it and not posting it on an internet forum. I would not be reading it - nobody else would.

    Hope some of this makes sense.

    But please - if you love reading - then read a few old classics, watch the odd comedy - maybe write a Great Movie script about Rambo dropping LSD, becoming existential and killing his own ego before reinventing himself. In the movie he could meet Charlie Sheen playing the random partying guy who stumbles out the jungle and says "dude - I've just found some hallucinogenic sh** - could kill us - but dying is for fools."

    I can almost envision it - actually, include me in the script as I gave you the idea.

    I'll play the guy on the run from some psychopath who turns out to be a figment of my imagination. So I shoot him - party on and maybe die in a plane crash. Not before saving the world, getting the woman and I suppose if I saved some drowning puppy at the end - and died.

    Anyone else have ideas were this should go?
  5. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    In the TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Passive

    Passive Member

    Thanks for the replies.
    Ironically this morning I found anonymous sticky notes on me and my roommates cars saying:
    "The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all."
    "You can if you think you can."
    "Never, never, never give up. :)"

    I do enjoy nature and going for bike rides, but living in Iowa I can only be outside half the year. In winter I'm usually much more depressed because it seems like there's nothing to do but drink and stay warm. I guess I've just been feeling like there's no point in going to work 40 hours a week at a job I hate not even making enough money to survive for only a few hours of numbed out drunken fun on the weekends. Only to wake up with a hangover, regretting getting so drunk and making such an ass of myself. I've tried really hard to just not think about it and just live life but my mind won't let me. It's always in the background saying, "what's the point of it all?"

    I've tried counseling and several anti-depressants. My counselor stopped talking to me and all the anti-depressants made me worse and very crazy(it took months to get back to my normal mindset). I don't have any friends that I talk to regularly because all I can think about is the meaning of life and nobody wants to be around that. The only time I can not think about it is when I'm really drunk, and then I'm just stupid and obnoxious. I completely lack social skills(and have social anxiety) and am really terrible at conversing(especially collecting my thoughts into coherent words). I just wish I could find some theory of existence that is logically and scientifically acceptable so I could just move on, be motivated and not think about it like everyone else. Since I know it's probably an un-answerable question, I don't understand why I can't just accept it.
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