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existential depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by corang, Jul 19, 2010.

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  1. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

  2. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing. It seems interesting and that some of it might apply to me. I have a very short attention span, though. I'll have to come back to it.
  3. Edgar Roni Figaro

    Edgar Roni Figaro Well-Known Member

    Corang if what was described in that article is how you feel, then I completely understand where you are coming from. From a very young age I was very different from other kids. I did not care about the things that most kids cared about. Everything with me was about finding where we came from, how we got here, who created us, and why.

    The bad news is Existentialism isn't the bottom of the pit as far as depression goes.

    Existentialism is only the beginning point for questioning the point of everything mentioned above.

    While Existentialism tends to point people in the direction of telling them there is no one true meaning and that you must in a sense create your own meaning by the act of living your life, the much darker philosophical cousin of it is has no such buffer.

    When you dig deeper than Existentialism, you eventually come across Nihilism and the Philosopher most noted for writing about it Frederick Nietzsche.

    Nihilism basically states that there is no value or meaning in anything at all. That all value and meaning are derived from knowledge which always comes from particular person resulting in a skewed version of reality.

    Nihilism is something I have struggled with practically my whole life as I am unable to find meaning in anything I do. I can briefly block the thoughts by drinking, or watching a movie, or playing a game, but the thoughts always return. Any time I attempt to do anything of substance I think to myself how meaningless it really is and how it wouldn't matter anyways.

    Nihilism is also a double edged sword because the philosophy will strip you of everything you believe in but as Nietzsche put it, it will eventually give rise to the Uberman, a human being who has rejected all values and fictitious belief systems that man has subjected himself to since the beginning of human kind and literally wash themselves of the current system and rebirth themselves as a being that has the will to survive and thrive in the next phase of mankind leaving behind all the old ways and with it all the old problems that mankind has faced up to this point.

    I was raised as a Catholic and was very religious up until 17. As I began to do my own research and studied history the idea that any of the religious that exist today were true became absurd. I abandoned my old belief systems and set out to look for a more truthful answer to where we came from. I am 27 now and after 10 years of countless researching of different belief systems, the history of ancient civilizations on earth, human and animal biology, and archeological finds across the world the most credible and scientific answer up to this point that has satisfied me is the story the first civilization told.

    They were known as the Sumerians. It is from this one culture that all religions derive from.

    The Sumerians did not have a religion but they had what they referred to as the Annunaki which literally translates into ""those who came from heaven to earth". Unlike all the religious belief systems that would arise hundreds to thousands of years later, the people they saw as gods according to there own writings, instructed them on how to live and survive.

    The story that the Sumerians give as to how humanity was created is nothing short of amazing. But I am not going to get into that now. It has taken me 10 years of researching to come to the conclusions that I have come to and I am not going to be able to convince anyone in a single comment in a forum.

    Instead I will leave you with a few links that show confirmed archeological evidence that shows the Sumerians knew the sun was the center of the solar system, that the earth was round, and the sizes and distances of all the planets even the ones that could not been seen with the naked eye including Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, planets which would not be discovered until thousands of years later in our modern world.

    This link below shows a picture of a clay tablet. In the top left corner you can clearly see our solar system complete with 10 planetary bodies (the Sumerians put the moon in there too). It took us until 1930 to discover Pluto, the Sumerians say there is a 10th planet which we still have not discovered. This tablet has been viewed by archeologists in current day Iraq and the size of the planets and their position around the sun in the picture has been confirmed as completely accurate.


    The next link shows another clay tablet which shows that the Sumerians witnessed technology. It was discovered in the late 1800s by British archeologists before the invention of the helicopter, and the tank. It wasn't until some years after these inventions were made that archeologists uncovered this tablet again and realized what the pictures on it were.


    The next piece of evidence is called The Piri Reis map. This map has been dated by scientists to the 1500s. It shows with complete accuracy the land mass of Antarctica as seen underneath the massive ice sheet which currently covers it. Since no human had been to Antarctica until the modern age, and since it was impossible to see the land mass buried under miles of ice until the advent of satellites and ground penetrating radar archeologists have no explanation for where the map came from. The last time this land was free of ice was over 3 million years ago.


    The Sumerian creation story also tells how the earth was formed, how the asteroid belt was formed, and how the earth has a moon orbiting it that it is gravitationally impossible to have captured in its current mass. In fact the leading scientific theory for how the moon was created using computer models today show that something the size of Mars hit the Earth but indirectly sheering off the a massive chunk of the Earth's crust but not it's iron core. This is why scientists say the moon has no iron core.

    The Sumerians coincidentally tell a story of how Earth was once called Tiamat and was twice the size of the current Earth. At that time the Sumerians said the order of the planets went mercury, Venus, mars, Tiamat. They said that the Annunaki exist on a planet called Nibiru which orbits around a failed red dwarf star in our solar system on a 3600 year elliptical orbit around our Sun. According to the Sumerians the planet passes through the orbit between mars and Jupiter once every 3600 years. On one of these orbits the Sumerians state that a moon of Nibiru smashed into Tiamat shattering a huge portion of the planet into pieces and annihilating the moon. This is where the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter came from. They then go on to say that the remaining large portion of Tiamat was thrust forward and stabilized into its current orbit between Mars and Venus, becoming what we now know as Earth.

    This story of our solar system was told by the Sumerians over 6000 years ago and only now, today, in this very decade, has science concluded the earth was in fact hit by a planet sized body which created the moon.

    If you are like me and you want to find truth, read everything you can about the Sumerians as their creation story states that we are only half of this world and that we were genetically engineered by the Annunaki to be half ape and half of the Annunaki. This is called Ancient Alien Theory and it is based on the ever increasing archeological, genetic, and historical evidence that science is now uncovering.

    Remember it is very easy to write off things that conflict with our belief systems. It is human nature to feel comfortable and closed system beliefs (such as religion) are where we are most comfortable. But when we step outside that realm and start to discover and accept things, a whole amazing world begins to take shape.

    If you want to learn more about this or have questions about it feel free to ask there is literally tons of information on it and I have probably given you .0001% of what is available.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2010
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    You sent shivers down my spine Edgar :mhmm:.

    The pictures on those tablets made me go "oh...my...god". I remembered seeing those tablets on TV ages back. It's mind boggling.

    As for Existential Depression, it sounds a bit like me. And if you don't think this certain way, you never know how hard it can be to do really anything in life. Considering as far as we know, it all adds up to nothing.

    I guess the only thing we know, is that we don't.... :)
  5. Edgar...I totally understand where u are coming from. I'm 26 and have had these same issues since I was--well, i don't know. I can't remember I time when I wasn't consumed with these questions. I am a graduate student in sociology now and am currently studying for my generals so I can officially be "all but dissertation" and be on my merry way to a PhD. But I can't do all this reading without thinking everything is just pure bullshit, that nothing I do or say matters, and that I am probably wasting my time. I feel stupid whining about being on my way to earning one of the highest degrees possible :/
  6. Edgar Roni Figaro

    Edgar Roni Figaro Well-Known Member

    I wish I was able to give you a good answer on this subject but I am just as lost when it comes to this. Since I was around 14 and began reading Arthur Schopenhauer and read the following quote I have always believed ignorance is bliss.

    "Nature shows that with the growth of intelligence comes increased capacity for pain, and it is only with the highest degree of intelligence that suffering reaches its supreme point." - Arthur Schopenhauer

    As corang pointed out in the topic with the article link it seems that severe depression is especially prevalent in the intelligent. I

    I believe that those who have higher intelligence than the average person begin to realize at some point as they question everything that we have enough intelligence to know that we will never be able to know the answers to the questions we are asking. If that is the case it is a truly sad existence.

    Meanwhile those of average intelligence or below can easily find meaning in their life from superficial things and rarely ask any questions beyond the extension of their own lives.

    I don't believe there is any turning back once these questions invade the mind. They will always be there as a product of our intelligence and the compulsion to find answers can and does drive people insane.

    I found this online which was interesting. I know at some points in time I have felt exactly like this feeling that I either needed to be genius to understand or just die. I am not a genius I am quite intelligent, I can ask the questions and form some answers but the answers I seek are beyond my capabilities.

    I really only have 2 modes and I gravitate back and fourth between the two. One is extreme fascination and a compulsion to understand everything that could possibly lead me to the answers I'm looking for, and the other is the hopelessness of it all leading to suicidal thoughts and actions. I would say I am in the first part 70% of the time and the 2nd part 30% of the time. One of my attempts on my life nearly killed me and left me with a huge scar across my chest due to emergency exploratory surgery. I'd much rather have answers than be dead but I can completely understand the feelings that Ludwig Wittgenstein must of been feeling.

    "Ludwig Wittgenstein- Ray Monk's biography "The Duty of Genius." Wittgenstein is perhaps the greatest philosopher of the 20th century, and one of the last great modern philosophers. But for most of his life he was depressed and seriously considered suicide. His approach to philosophy caused him to alienate most of his friends. This was directly related to his vocation. Monk emphasizes that Wittgenstein could never just consider an issue of philosophy - the issues consumed his whole mind, and he could focus on nothing else until he could articulate a perfect solution. This huge amount of pressure contributed to his psychological problems - he felt he needed to be a genius, to solve philosophy's fundamental problems, or that he needed to end his life."
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2010
  7. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Thanks for this, Corang. Call me egotistical, but I always thought I was the only one who went through this. My family gets frustrated at me a lot for being too 'intense', or asking those kinds of questions (why are we here, why do we do this that way, etc.) and no one at school ever seemed to be interested in that either. Led to an early sense of separation between me and almost everyone else. My sister is a lot the same, but I tend to exhaust her since she's the only person who reciprocates my questioning. Anyway, thanks again!

    Mr. Wittgenstein sure sounds interesting, thanks for the reference Edgar. I'll be sure to look him up. It's funny, I go through the same flip-flops in motivation as well, though for me it seems to be more 50/50.
  8. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I don't think intelligence has anything to do with it. My SAT score was 1000. That is average. According to estimates, SAT roughly correlates with iq such that my iq would, similarly, be average. That means it's hovering somewhere around 98-100, after it's corrected (107, uncorrected, i think).

    From a young age I exhibited everything I see here. I read conspiracy books. I got teased about it. A lot. I buried myself in ufology in HS and in my early 20's. I'm not making this up. I knew about sitchen 10+ years ago. I was a christian, but I had questions that my religion couldn't answer. These questions still haunt me and I am still attempting to dig myself out of this mess and restore myself to something I can respect. I've lost self worth. I think the key to a recovery is thinking rationally. Being practical. Avoiding conspiracy crap.

    Maybe I don't belong here, but I've been told before that I have an existential problem.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
  9. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Lol, we all think we're the only ones. Maybe those of us here are just locked up inside. We've isolated ourselves from the world.

    I've been told before I was tense. Someone has called me analytical. Blah Bleh. I lack trust in authority.

    We can throw words around. I'll say, we're nothing special. Just a bunch of lost boys that entertain our imagination.

    It's all fun and games until you realize that life is finite and death is real. Do you want to die this way?

    I used to ask questions of god and of reality and of ufos. Now i ask questions about science, career, girls, philosophy, death, etc.

    All these questions are great, but if all my life amounts to are lots of questions then I'll be very unhappy.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

  11. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    After reading this:

    I don't think I fit that description at all. Ya, I had trouble when I was younger. I got teased a lot. I had a talent. I hid inside myself. But a lot of teens do these things. The questions I'm asking now about death I never asked back then. I was unbelievably dumb. I think I am more appropriately described as someone going through a kind of mid-life crisis as written here:
    Only difference is that it has happened earlier, and I do not have a career to lean on. I do have family. I remember reading an article a while back that the midlife crisis is happening at younger ages and that kids are leaving their homes at older ages. Is there a connection?

    God, I feel like a sissy right now. My life is a mess because of my choices. I want to make that clear.

    Now, if I had to speak to a teenager going through these things and they asked me, "What meaning is there in life? I don't understand what the point is." I think I'd say something like, "Meaning isn't something that you find. It just happens as a result of living happily. So find something you enjoy, try to enjoy what you do, and the meaning will just pop out and surprise you."
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
  12. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Isn't it the finite nature of life that gives it excitement? That gives it meaning? Isn't that when the fun begins? Wouldn't an action movie be boring if we knew that the protagonist couldn't die, or be wounded? Tell me if I'm extrapolating too much here, but it seems as if you are distracting yourself with trivial things to keep from looking at something-- I don't know what that something is because clearly I'm not you. Maybe it's something that scares you, something you can't answer, or can't look at. Can't fit into a question.

    Hold on, what's the difference between asking questions of god, and asking questions of death? What's the difference between asking questions about reality, and science? Let alone philosophy. Or were you just stating that you were still asking questions, but of a slightly more defined nature now that you're older?

    The joy in life should be finding the answers to the questions, even though a million more pop up along the way. That epiphany when something makes sense, or fits, that's the challenge facing us all and to not rise to it would be a shame.

    I'm a teenager, I'm pretty sure I'm going through these things. Now that I have your answer to what the meaning of life is, I have to say I'm quite disappointed. It's a cop-out! All it says is 'wait, and good things will happen eventually, and if not now, then maybe later, and if it doesn't, then try to enjoy what's going on right now even if you hate it, and hope that something good will happen', that sounds an awful lot like waiting for a God to answer your prayers, except the big man is never mentioned. I don't believe in God, I don't believe in waiting.

    Meaning is something that you find, and define, for yourself. That's the great part about it all. The same way that I may define a chair as something with four legs, a seat, and a back and you may define it as one of the swivel chairs at a bar, and someone else as a three-legged stool. I define my life for me, and change its meaning as new things come along. As I am proven wrong in my questioning of the world and seek to find what is right in my mind that is backed by my perception of reality.

    It feels like you're jumping to the easiest answer to the meaning of life, and any other question that comes up in your mind. Are you afraid to guess anything else because you might be wrong? I'm not claiming that my answers are any good to you, but they may help you find what you're looking for, or put some more pieces together. The puzzle may not be complete, but at least it's gettin' there. I'm also not trying to make this a rage-fest either, I'm genuinely interested in knowing whether or not my assumptions are correct or way off base. Hope that comes across-- I'm looking for a dialogue, not an argument.

    And if anyone else has a perspective, I'd love to hear it!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2010
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