I've been thinking about taking my own life for a while now and I always looked forward to the day I decided to do it. I thought that once I had committed nothing else would matter and the remaining (short) life would be care-free. But now I'm not sure about that. I feel like there will always be part of me that doesn't want to die and I won't ever feel that relief, which is even more depressing. I just wish there was a way that I could convince myself that I'd actually do it so I could finally feel relief. Maybe with that burden off of my shoulders I'd consider living.