Okay, so this is a little weird, but not for me, really. I've had similar experiences before. Keep in mind I'm a psychotic manic-depressive. So I was in bed one night after getting a physical to make sure I was healthy enough for ECT. I tend to spend some time reflecting before falling asleep. And all of a sudden, I had this intense religious euphoria. I realized I had been put through all this pain in my life for this one moment. I realized I was a son of God, and that He had been protecting me the entire time. Always watching over me, always keeping me safe, all so that I could fulfill my divine mission. I used to think God wanted me to commit suicide, but at that instant it was the opposite--I had been held back by Him. I knew then that I was invincible, that no one could harm me, and the First Cause had already guaranteed my success. I had the urge to call my psychiatrist, to tell him that I knew now what I was supposed to do, that I had been reminded that I was the son of God. I didn't do that because I had enough insight to know he would think I was crazy. This feeling of euphoria and intense religiosity faded once morning came. I don't know what brought that on...I haven't felt anything that intense since I was a psychotic freshman in high school. When I met with a doctor a couple of days afterward to discuss if ECT was right for me, I was back to normal. I was normal enough to be told that it probably wasn't the right time for me, that I had no acute mood symptoms or prominent psychoses. I didn't argue this point. The next day I felt some regret, that maybe I should have gone through with the procedure after all. It's still there, so I can always take it (if I decide yes within 30 days, I don't even need to get another physical), but my moods are so...volatile. Episodes of psychotic euphoria or depression can last for as little as a few hours. I'm a little scared, because in retrospect that intense and disorienting rush, that return of feeling I was getting after months of a depressive episode, could return, and persist. If that were to happen, well...I wouldn't be in a very safe place. I might stand in front of a train thinking I had the power to stop it, or I might reach mania, then crash back into depression, disabling me from doing the things I have to do during the day. I can't make sense of what brought it on. I just felt overjoyed. Everything felt like it made sense. I felt like I understood everything. So, that's where I am right now. I'd appreciate any thoughts or insights anyone has.