Explaining you scars?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by mcviking, Mar 4, 2010.

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  1. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    I haven't selfed harmed in about 4 years. But I still have these big nasty scars on my chest and back. I try to keep my clothes on as much as possible but what do you do to explain them? I feel shamed sometimes...any thoughts?
  2. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member


    Well done for not sh in 4years.
    I explain mine as honestly as i can,but get asked by allsorts of people,even the newsagent asked once,i said it was a result of sh,she hadnt got a clue,and i didnt explain any thing else.

    Im not ashamed of my sh any more,but i dont rub it in peoples face,i find those who want to know will ask.

    Just my opinion,hope it helps.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Like Mandy says, well done not doing it for 4 years. That's awesome!

    No one ever sees mine, to be honest. I wear a tubi grip on my arm and the rest of them stay covered. Always.

    I don't ever anticipate having a relationship with someone but they will have to know anyway, so they will know the truth. So I don't explain my scars, to be honest, because I have no need to.

    What is it that makes you feel ashamed?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2010
  4. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    depends on who is asking,

    i don't wear anything to cover the ones on my arms since i think that sometimes just invites curoisity and because it seems that the less attention i pay to them the less others do as well. the scars on other places never see the light of day.

    but everynow and then someone will notice and sometimes ask about them.

    i have alot of answers

    like i might say i used to be a lion tamer in a circus
    or i worked in a Cuisenart factory and one of the more rowdy machines got loose
    or i got them crawling under enemy lines....

    or others, i make them up as i go along.

    Usually i say them in a sort of rapid succession after the first change in expression. My goal is to divert thier attention away in a sort of friendly way with the implication that i'm not going to give them a 'straight answer'
    Usually we just laugh.

    But anyone for whom i would give a real answer mostly can recognize what they are already

    and definitely good for you to go so long!
    how have you answered that question so far?
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I have to two types of scars, self-mutilation scars and scars from two of my attempts.

    Attempt scars: One on my wrist is obvious what it is so if I asked I say it was from a very sad time in my life and that usually ends the inquiry. A few have asked further (they are a bit distorted from self-mutilation) and I explain and they have always been people that were trying to reach out to me regarding their own issues, it is like they recognized what was up and found someone they could talk to about it. When this happens I talk about it as much as they like and every single time it has worked out where we sort of shared our story and everything went very pleasantly, no regrets and no shame. The one on my neck I often lie about and say it was a biopsy and change the subject quick because if they look too closely it will be obvious that there was a hesitation cut at which point I say they had to do two of them. If it is someone I sense is reaching out in their own way I tell the truth but a few times the conversation has gone from my wrists to my neck and somehow the neck one really freaks people out and I get strange looks. But the plastic surgeon they brought in did a good job, very thin but long scar and I am told that it does look like where they would do a thyroid biopsy so I stick with that...people rarely ask about that one either because they don't notice it or because they realize I slit my throat and just don't want to go there.

    Self-mutilation scars: These are somewhat hidden by the multiple bracelets I wear but the ones on my ankles are clearly self inflicted so I have to say again..."from a time I was not so happy" and explain further if they ask more about it. These are the hardest to talk about because they are so obvious self inflicted and I go to great lengths to keep them hidden for work as I really was aggressive in this area. These I feel great shame about but rarely does someone get to see my ankles unless it is summer time and well they show, that and when I wear an evening dress which I only wear around people that know me anyhow and don't worry too much about people. Having to be honest about them is hard but I have had a few people think that I was tortured and I don't like anyone thinking that so I tell the truth, I do get some weird looks as they are not typical scars by any stretch of the imagination.

    I guess I sort of figure if someone wants to get to know me they are going to have to deal with all of me and those scars are a part of me. I know that means, for example some guy may want to come and talk to me but be scared off but if that scares him off then he wasn't very deep of a person to begin with and not for me anyhow.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2010
  6. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Mine are only visible in bright light, and people have only noticed a few times. My scars on my arms are mostly pretty light by now, so when people ask I just say "Oh, I cut myself." When they look at me shocked, I pretend like I just realized the connotations of what I said, get flustered and say "Oh my gosh, no! Not like that.. I slipped and cut myself on a rock.." (or enter some lame excuse here).

    I'm a good little actress, no one suspects a thing! :]
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Most of my attempts didn't leave external scars.
    Anything on my skin seems to blend in with the many light scars I have from my childhood; climbing trees and such...
    So- I haven't had to explain any of them.
    Not that anyone would ask.
  8. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I never, never willingly show them off. A male friend have seen them accidentally though... He got sad but didn't ask very much about it. I think he picked it up quickly...

    But it's so painful. What will future dates say? I want to remove them NOW because they are so so bad. They itch, are very wide and still red.
  9. Danger Mouse

    Danger Mouse New Member

    I sort of like my scars (sick I know), but when people ask I usually tell them it is not any of their business.
  10. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    I like them....others don't so they don't need to see them and they don't because of the area. I would just say I fell down? Idk yet.
  11. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    I too enjoy my scars. I made them and i am proud of them. They represent the struggles i have faced.
    I really dont take any efforts to hide them. Some people ask and sometimes i tell them. Other times i just laugh and pretend like i never saw them before. Whatever opion they make of me from that it doesnt matter too much. If they cant see past my scars then theyre not the kinda person i want to be around.
  12. Vagrant

    Vagrant Account Closed

    "Those are the time i wanted to die." - Vagrant.
  13. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    I've never had to deal with people actually asking since I'm a fan of long-sleeved shirts and jackets. Most of the time they never see the light of day.
  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I dopnt hide them anymore. everyone know im a cutter so ... i rarely leave my home so not enough peopel to see them. if someone does i said I cut my self rather badly. And then dropp it. Seems to woirl ok for thenm and me.
  15. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Simple: I make sure my scars never see the light of day. I'm very selective about where I harm myself -- either do it somewhere where it can be easily explained (ie, i burnt myself on the stove) or somewhere that's never gonna be seen. If its someone who knows I harm myself though, I'm more lax about it.

  16. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Mainly when I am going to get intinmate with someone do they see them. I usually just say don't worry about it, or I don't want to talk about it. When I am in a locker room at the gym its even more embarrassing. Everyone is just staring. Between my weight, my tattoos, and my scars, I feel I am a circus freak if I take off my shirt.
  17. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    i just ignore the question
    i suck at giving explications
  18. Hangman

    Hangman Well-Known Member

    I hide my cuts, nobody knows about it. When there are no fresh ones, the area is just redish, I don't seem to get any scars...
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