a week of renewed nightmares, feelings of suicide, guilt, self hatred, exhausted. most of week spent in tears, and even today in therapy was caught in tears in reception before i could pull it together, then spent the session in tears. struggling to breathe...throat just shuts off...cant believe i have so many tears inside..trying not to self harm or worse...and then for 5 mins you get switched off...and wham...back to reality again...draining the life out of me today. saved 2 week supply of meds, and it would be so easy just to swallow the lot, but not sure from what i read, if its enough. pain just seems to get worse each week. i just need to scream...i dread what tonight will bring....woke up screaming so many times since last therapy session, i am drained...didnt realise in my notes i have to keep what i had put down, but had to admit that it took a lot not to end it this week. i have made will, written letters, made plans for where i want ashes to go...given stuff away, or wrapped it ready to mail or be collected. anything i am not bothered about. i just dont know how much long i can live this. how can you go from loving life to fear it.
oh well..sorry for rambling...just how i am feeling at this partic moment.
i just had enough today
oh well..sorry for rambling...just how i am feeling at this partic moment.
i just had enough today