Extra support maybe please?!

[na-taya]

First I want to say that I am sorry to be asking for such support when I havnt been as active in supporting other right now. I also want to say this may be all over the place as I find it extremely hard to ask for extra support.
This also may be long so sorry in advance. I will try and keep it simple and short so you can kind of understand.....


I had been under the care of hospital in the home for two weeks (as that's as long as the service has clients) several times over that period they were trying to get me to hospital, several meltdown some over simple thing some not. I am overwhelmed by anything and almost everything. So I had an assessment at a step up step down mental health facilitie so you go whe you know your becoming unwell to prevent hospital(what I am trying to do) and they also help early resales from hospital and help ease into the community easier. It's more fredoom and not even the same as hospital at all, but is good and had good support and staff(I have been twice before)

But here's my delemia
I have struggle very hard to keep myself safe and felt myself getting weaker. And it's been like this since hospital in the home so they know this.

The process to neami I will not find out till Wednesday if I get accepted....and then if I can go and if I can it may eve then have a bit more of a wait....

So I may just need random messages of support off people just to try remind me when my battle feels to intense for me.

I know deep deep deep down this neami is what I need but the illness is telling me other wise in a big big big way and I'm finding it hard to hold onto the bit deep down.

I don't know if I am making any sence at all.....


Sorry, thanks for reading if you managed to last this long.
Please take care

 

[na-taya]

Oh I forgot to add I am doing everything I possibly can to avoid hospital and so that's why I am asking.for the extra support.

Sorry.

 

[Northern]

I really wish you'll feel better soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Hugs

 

[na-taya]

Thanks you so very much.

The deep.down me hopes so.
My illness so not much

But I donno some of the reasons are thoughts are seem quiet rational to me.

I am just so very weak,tired and exhausted but also so much more.....

Sorry I feel like I shouldn't be complaining so much.......

 

[Brian777]

Hi Na-taya, sending you positive thoughts/energy of peace, calm and well being.
Take care my friend
Brian

 

[PhoenixFailed]

You are so smart and strong to ask for support when you need it. That is hard. Good for you for taking care of yourself and and getting support at home. I hope you get the support you need in the setting you prefer. Wishing you good this!

 

[may71]

I don't think you have to feel bad about asking for support. I don't think that anyone asking for support has ever taken away anything from SF. It may also be helpful to others for you to share what's going on.

I hope that we can help, but if not, I hope something helps.

 

[na-taya]

Thanks all so very much, I do hope so as well but more of me wants to die and it gets stronger n stronger....

I just have to keep myself safe so I don't end up in hospital in the mean time while I wait. And it's hard.to reach on irl when I'm at my worse coz I'm scared of hospital so it isn't gonna be easy and Wednesday is so far away if fat today will be long enough all on its own.

Altho I did say I'd spend the day relaxing but I dragged my sorry ass to the beach instead!! So I guess that's good

 

[dugga]

Hi na-taya - I wasn't aware of the hospital in the home service for mental health. I know it is offered for palliative care and post operative care etc. sounds like a really good idea. I'm sure you are much better in your own environment than in Hospital so I wish you the best to get through this low time in your life. I'm glad you got to the beach. The sea can be very mentally cleansing. I always feel better when I can see the waves and refresh my mind if that makes sense. Look after yourself and take care - Dugga

 

[na-taya]

Sorry I probably didn't make myself clearn I am no longer under hospital in the home so I'm am to fend for myself well I have my cm and peer support but not all the time so yeah.

Just might be hard to get through is all.

The beach is always lovley I habe been I and out of the water all day I am still here now.....I came by myself.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

A day at a place you find relaxing is wonderful. I too love the beach, the sounds and warmth are calming. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your day there.

 

[na-taya]

I did enjoy mostly.

The battle is relentless....

Just do my best to get my.....but some times or more often than not I wonder why I bother to keep going on, I know I had a blissful day at the beach but is that worth all.the hell really????

 

[Petal]

@na-taya I <3 you so much, you're my best friend and it hurts me to see you hurting and struggling so much. You will get through this. I hope naemi will accept you, that's what you want, so I hope that is what you get. You are a wonderful person and oh so hilarious :P

You had a wonderful day at the beach, try and let that spur you on for another beautiful day on the beach tomorrow. Maybe go to the beach and have a picnic there and write out your thoughts, I think that is a good idea or even better do you have anyone to go to the beach with you? Or bring something you can listen to music on and just fully relax!

Hoping that you feel better soon, we are care about you here, that is a fact and no one wants to see you hurting and in pain. (huuuugs)

 

[Innocent Forever]

Na-taya!
Good for you for asking for support! It's such a difficult thing to do, to ask for help... and that's what this forum's about, asking when you need it, giving when you've got it, and accepting that not always can you give. I really hope that whatever is best for you works out... Keep posting when you're struggling. I've actually often found posting on forums has kept me safe. What else can you do? Sending hugs. Be kind to yourself. You're worth it!

 

[na-taya]

Thank you both so very much.

I took music to the beach yesterday so that was still nice and relaxing......just struggling to see how that's worth it all......I know deep down it is but yeah...

Innocent forever I colour in pain my nails listen to music try go for walks see my friend try sleep well.

I do lots of thing to try and distract.or defuse just none of its working to well at the moment.


I feel so many things or have so many thing going on that I know can not be possible/real so its just yeah my head jumbled and I can u twist it at all right now

 

[na-taya]

I feel awful every what way I move no matter what I do.

I feel awful if I rely on here to much
Feel awful if I rely in my friend to much
Feel awful if I am always upset or distressed right now
Awful awful.

 

[Innocent Forever]

(((hugs)))

 

[na-taya]

I just want to be done.
I so want to be done.
I am tired of the battle.
I can't any more
I don't want to anymore






So why do I?!?!?!?!??!?!

 

[na-taya]

Go to neami Friday....

If I can hold out that long

 

[Innocent Forever]

Good luck to get to Friday...
Friday's a long time away, but, if look at the length, it seems so far away, just focus on this very moment, and moment by moment, you can get there... Stay strong... You deserve it.