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Extreme suicide thoughts

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Hello I've never posted to a forum like this. I have suffered from depression on and off for quite some time. It was always bearable and I could fight it off with eating right some meds and exercise.

About 2 months ago I became extremely dizzy and EXTREMELY depressed. Unbearably depressed. I've been going to the psychiatrist and have been on some medication that is not working.

I went to the hospital once because I did not feel safe. It was a horrible experience and they locked me up there for about 4 days.

Everything is good in my life I have a good job, I have family, I have a girlfriend who loves me.

The problem is I have no ability to be happy. I have a fuzzy head and cannot think straight. Nothing makes me happy I don't want to do anything.

Anyways... There is no help left for me. I've made several cries for help but I am getting dangerously close to ending it. Every day I psych myself up for how I am going to do it. I think about it all the time. It is so bad tonight that I pace back and forth staring off my balcony .

The lives of the ones who love me would be destroyed. But I can't continue like this forever. This pain is unbearable. It could not possibly get any worse.

I don't even know why I'm posting on here. I've cried for help everywhere else. No one thinks I'm serious.

People always wonder why he did it... they wonder what they could have done differently. I've learned that there is no help. I died a long time ago with this disease. It killed me... just like cancer kills someone but it's different. It makes you self destruct. It shuts your mind off and leads you into darkness... there is no help here.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hun don't give up okay have you tried medication the newer ones work hun they take away that darkness. Just go to your regular doctor tell him or her you need to get on meds now hun. Don't leave your gf in pain okay please try meds get rid of that dam depression You just want sadness to leave and it can hun you don't want to cause others pain


Staff Alumni
Hi ckeen,

Welcome to SF.

I know that you have lost hope in life (it has happened at one time or another to a lot of us here), but I hope you consider getting admitted to a hospital and then telling them the truth about what you're seriously considering doing. Your meds aren't helping enough, and maybe getting your meds adjusted (trying new medicines or having current medicine dosages changed) is something else that a hospital can do. At the very least, psychiatric hospitals or crisis centers can keep you in a safe environment until you are feeling better about going back out into the real world. When you're back out of the hospital, there is outpatient treatment available and perhaps then you can see if that's something for you. I don't know what your experiences with therapy or hospitalization (if you have any) have been like, but the aforementioned is all just an idea.

I hope to hear from you again.

Stay safe,

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