Hello I've never posted to a forum like this. I have suffered from depression on and off for quite some time. It was always bearable and I could fight it off with eating right some meds and exercise. About 2 months ago I became extremely dizzy and EXTREMELY depressed. Unbearably depressed. I've been going to the psychiatrist and have been on some medication that is not working. I went to the hospital once because I did not feel safe. It was a horrible experience and they locked me up there for about 4 days. Everything is good in my life I have a good job, I have family, I have a girlfriend who loves me. The problem is I have no ability to be happy. I have a fuzzy head and cannot think straight. Nothing makes me happy I don't want to do anything. Anyways... There is no help left for me. I've made several cries for help but I am getting dangerously close to ending it. Every day I psych myself up for how I am going to do it. I think about it all the time. It is so bad tonight that I pace back and forth staring off my balcony . The lives of the ones who love me would be destroyed. But I can't continue like this forever. This pain is unbearable. It could not possibly get any worse. I don't even know why I'm posting on here. I've cried for help everywhere else. No one thinks I'm serious. People always wonder why he did it... they wonder what they could have done differently. I've learned that there is no help. I died a long time ago with this disease. It killed me... just like cancer kills someone but it's different. It makes you self destruct. It shuts your mind off and leads you into darkness... there is no help here.