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Extreme thoughts

Does anyone go from being ok-ish, to being suicidal in a heartbeat? or from being suicidal to fairly good? My moods can change that fast even i struggle to keep up. Sometimes i feel suicidal for weeks/months and it slowly gets worse. sometimes i feel ok and 1 thing triggers thoughts i cant control. I hate myself constantly, hate the way i am, the way things bother me, the way i cant deal with things like others seem to, the way i look. Hate how angry i get. I try to talk about things, but when i try to, what I'm actually wanting to say doesn't come across at all.

How can you be ok one minute, to suicidal the next and vice versa?
How do you be gentle with yourself?
How do you not hate yourself?
How do you ask for help when you don't even know how you feel? or what i even need help with because things change that fast, is that just me?

Im sorry, i need to say this. Sometimes when i post and people reply, i really dont know how to respond so i generally answer with 'thank you' etc. Its not that i dont want to answer, i just dont know what to say. Even though ive been here a while now, i still somehow manage to isolate myself.

Anyway, yeah. i just wondered.


Well-Known Member
I'd like the answer to " how can you be gentle with yourself". I know that I should make more of an effert to actually do that (and to do self care things), but I don't see the point half the time. if I'm depressed, the last thing that makes me feel better is self-care. strange, but that's how it is

thank you @emily91. I get it, The amount of energy it takes to do any form of self care is draining when you haven't got any to start with. Especially when you have no intention of coming face to face with another human being. What's the point? well, thats how i am anyways. Or, you get up early and have all these ideas of things you wanna do throughout the day, only to feel overwhelmed an hour later at just the thought of it.
I feel this is rather appropriate here. It pretty much sums up everything I said above. I woke up with all these ideas that im going to do today. An hour later and I really don't have the energy. Even though I didnt want to I figured I would try and do something anyway because it will keep my mind occupied. I go to the hardware store to buy some wood and a light. I was looking at the lights and was reading the instructions on the back when a member of staff came over and spoke to me like shit. It wasn't what he said it was the way he said it. I got my stuff and left the store. All the way home I was getting angrier and angrier. My fuse was already short without arseholes making it worse. Now I know this is from one extreme to another but this is where the thoughts come in fast.
Sick of being spoke to like shit. Sick of feeling like the world is against me. Sick of fighting everyone.
Its literally like I have a target on my back.
Everyone I speak to, everyone I come across, I don't even have to speak to them sometimes. I'm just so fucking sick of it. For what fucking reason are we trying to stay alive? Now I get people have a bad day and stuff but its all the fucking time. Every single day.
I really cant be arsed with it anymore. If it was every now and again it maybe wouldn't bother me.

Hate people. (Not all)
Hate people where I live.
Hate feeling like im less than others.
And the usual. Hate myself for letting it get to me.

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