I've now been hospitilized 15 times in 4 years. I just got out again last week, because I just had to play the game, I couldn't take being in there anymore. Especially with the doctor I had, and I wasn't allowed to switch doctors. Also, if I wasn't ready for discharge they would have revoked my provisional discharge and sent me to the state hospital again. Believe me when I say no one with BPD belongs in a state hospital. I am way too intelligent for that shit. I can't even go to a different hospital because the same things would happen. I really wasn't mentally ready to be out of the hospital. I still have deep suicidal thoughts. I requested my medical records because I new the doctor would totally lie about our interactions. (He is a total jackass!!!) His last response was patient has tried many types of med combinations with no benefit, hospital does not help and has had ECT in January with no benefit. He went over this assessment with the case manager at the hospital and my county case manger and they both agreed. Great so I have no options if my feelings get any stonger on wanting to off myself, I have nothing, no one!!! What the hell am I suppose to do now. I thought in the past that if I got too scared I could just take myself to the emergency room, guess that is out of the question. I just don't know what to do I am so scared of myself and actions right now. Sorry, for my rant if it helps explain me at all I have BPD and am impulsive as hell. Also, sorry for the cursing. Sorry, I'm having a really difficult night.
kmj221
kmj221