f it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 10, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Sorry, can't do this.

    Tired of everyone telling me what to do, how to feel etc.

    F it.
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sorry you feel bad Mo. Its easy for people outside of your situation to offer advice and this must get a tad annoying.
    But please talk to us.
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Talk about what? And why? what's the point? It is what it is. I am who I am. Que sera sera. Why fight myself and my thoughts?
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    We fight them because when we are low, we are not our full or best selves. Our lows are not representative of the person we want to be and are‚Äč when we aren't low.

    Just my thoughts...Really hope you keep fighting, hun. :hug:
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today is a sad day. My heart is breaking. Bad news, about four weeks left for my soulmate to be on this earth.

    I feel so lost tonight. Very alone, wishing someone - anyone - were here with me. I'm scared and feel empty in an odd way.

    Cut already tonight, needing more something. I don't know what.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the sad news Mo... :(
    If I were there I would hug you both..
    I hope you get to find some precious moments over the remaining time with your one. :console:
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am so fucking hurt. I contacted my T re the situation, I've finally grown to trust them after over a year. I asked re boundaries today and contact etc. with whats going on with me. Pretty much told to use the support around me, that is offered to me via hospice etc. I said, okay, so pretty much no contact. Then they talked around it and changed what they'd said, but the damage was already done.

    This is ONE time I've really reached out, I really need support. It feels like the door was slammed in my face. So, my question, why fucking bother to try anymore? Once again, trusting gets me nowhere.

    So, as the title says FUCK IT.
     
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Others here and me will NEVER slam the door on you...wish I was more mobile to take that trip to PA...but I am there in spirit...what you are going through is heart wrentching and there is no need to be anyone other than who you are...and that is perfect with me...angry, scared, sad, enraged, lost...all what we go through...and then more, so never a need to filter yourself...anyone who does not get that is not worth it...and about your therapist...tell him/her what that felt like...hopefully, we all get more than one chance, because we are all so imperfect...I wish s/he would have understood the honor of being trusted in that way, but Lord knows, I am sure I have screwed up a hundred times today already, and it is only the afternoon...maybe repairing the relationship and advocating for what should be coming to you would be a good lesson..s/he must be of value since you trust him/her...and yes, the injuries feel so much more deep now because you are so fragile...I wish people will take tender loving care with you, and if not, send them to Brooklyn, and they will have many regrets they did not! With heartfelt fondness
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks for your response.

    In the meantime I spoke to one sis who had to ask me if I wanted her here - well what the fuck do you think. So I said well it'd be nice. Then she told me about prior commitments re her family. THEN she said that the other sis & her had talked and the other sis said there was no point her being here for the funeral etc., as she didn't know my s/o. WTF?

    Then I contacted a "friend" locally about possible help for airport pick ups (which may well be a moot point anyhow) and which I'd asked them about before. The response? Oh well I can only do this afternoon and this day. WTF again?

    So thats it. My resources/support have run dry.

    This afternoon things have gone worse, she is close and I am alone. This is what I feared all along.
     
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    My Lord, I do not understand how people sleep with themselves at night...clearly your sisters have other issues which they have not dealt with (related to s/o stuff?) ...but I do understand how awful it feels when one is abandoned by ppl who claim to care...it is so difficult to not feel enraged all the time, but I have had to resolve it by thanking G-d I am not them, and moving on...your pain is much newer so it will take time, but do understand that they do not represent 'people'; they represent very limited, biased, small minded, selfish, (I can go on and on) people...one thing I found rather interesting is that some people understood better when I had to put my cat to sleep than when one of my best friends died...what a truly imperfect species we are...and SHAME ON ALL OF THEM
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you.

    Great phone call from nurse - how are things - the same? OK - see you tomorrow. WTF?

    I'm about ready to send off a vicious email to my t. I know its my way to get out of the whole t thing.

    I know I need to control si tonight, am not thinking clearly at all. Its not a good idea to start doing stupid things. I don't know how to stay awake all night.

    I wish for so much, but realize again am just not worth it. Sorry.
     
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Other people's behavior are not an indication of our self-worth...it indicates their's...those people are ______(fill in anything you would like) but it does hurt like hell when you need someone to count on and get something like that...I am so sorry and wish I could call them...they would not be happy!
     
  13. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I do hope the help you seek will be forthcoming....how lousy of them to put you off that way when you needed them. It has been said before, but please know we will not play havoc with you here....hugs and thoughts your way. :hug:
     
  14. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I cant do this. been struggling for an hour. fighting me and arguing against me. I can't hold them up. I don't know what to fucking do.
     
  15. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    What are you fighting Mo, SI?
     
  16. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    No, my s/o. Very agitated, not with it. I finally called nurse, she's on the way. She fell and I can't get her myself.
     
  17. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry. Such an emotional time for you both. I will be around properly tonight if you want to chat.
     
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad the nurse is coming to help....
    keeping you in my thoughts Mo...
    I think you are under enormous pressure and have some idea how horrific it must be for you

    I have not watched my s/o go but was with my Dad until the end of his suffering...
    It's so painful because we love them :hug:
     
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