I am cursed. when I take a step towards trying to help myself it all goes down the drain. Last week was planning on coming clean about my suicide plans to the therapist. the appointment fell on blizzard day. All roads were closed. thearpist suggested video chat. my ipad was not cooperating after a hour of struggling, after calling it quits and making appt for today the ipad video chat magically starts to work. I decide to wait until today... Fuck no its snowing all over again and damn it swear life wants me to be permanently fucked. It's below and no way I can make the 400 mile trip where I am now to Chicago to the appointment. It's snowing bad all the fucking way.... I call n cancel, she informs me she's out of town for two weeks on an emergency basis. When I'm extremely upset things do not work my phone wont send messages internet stops working. Fuck it. Its fates not terrible coindence I have had angry texts not go thru, while other texts go thru just fine. I'm cursed. I really don't care anymore of sharing anything about my plans anymore. I'm not upset at the thearpist at all. We all got human families and emergencies do happen.