F#$@.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Joshy, Jun 21, 2012.

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  1. Joshy

    Joshy Well-Known Member

    Well.. Where do I start... I'll simplify it because I get tired as shit of repeating this story over and over..

    Stabbed when I was younger in public school, resulting in me being removed from public school.
    It took about a year to find a home-schooling program to get books from.
    And I was now 2 years behind from my original grade.
    I'm in fucking 8th grade. And I'm practically an adult.

    WHAT THE FUCK.

    Thus resulting in the whole main trigger of my hopeless feelings and depression; I can't go to public school. Ever. Because my age is caught up.
    I'm stuck.

    I have no friends on Facebook.
    I have no friends on MyYearBook/MeetMe.
    I have no friends on MySpace.
    I have no friends anywhere online.
    I have 1 friend in reality who lives down the street from me. He goes to public school. We only play video games together.

    I'm considering dropping out and leaving home. I may be alone, but honestly... I just want to leave.
    I contemplate suicide every fucking day, because I'm such a failure. I don't have the health or enthusiastic feeling to work anymore in home-schooling.
    It's just too depressing doing it with no help at all, and knowing how fucking alone I am... I just don't care anymore.
    It's not worth it to me at all.

    I don't know where to go if I decide to drop out and leave home.
    But I would rather live on a street or fucking highway, than in a house being called a failure and shit..

    I hate my 'step-dad' who I don't consider a dad. I consider him just some old man married to my mom, and he has a brain tear, and drinks beer all the fucking time.
    I don't talk to my mom or any of my family members at all. And they don't talk to me.

    I don't know what to do.
    I just want to leave everything, and get the fuck out of here please........
    I don't want to be with a family or any shit like a psych ward.
    I just want to be away from all this.

    It's not abuse or anything like that. Just loneliness and hopelessness.

    I don't have the health or willpower to continue anymore. I mean it.
     
  2. brainstorm

    brainstorm Well-Known Member

    Have you tried opening up to your friend? Is he the same age as you or thereabouts?

    What about your mother? Mother is mother, even if she may have made a mistake in choosing a husband.

    What about aunts, uncles, people that you know that can mediate between you and your parents? There's no reason to be called a failure, you didn't ask to be stabbed. Also, if you're the one that was stabbed, why did you have to leave public school? That reeks of punishing the victim.

    If being around the house is so painful, try to find a sports club, a gym, a volunteer program, a charity, something cheap that allows you to leave the bad environment at home and meet new people.

    Hang in there! Brofist!
     
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