After 7 years of psychotherapy, my therapist and I are at odds. The therapy has hurt me finanically and I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. I don't blame anyone, but I've been through just about everything that mental health care offers and still I'm more actively suicidal now. I'm not crying for any help, I had not talked about my behavior with my doctor for months. The last time I talked about how much I want to stop the suffering, I was place in the hosiptal (5150). Since than, I've been in the hospital three times. I only gone in once on my own, willingly. The experience of having all my rights taking away from me was life changing. I would rather die than admit myself into the hospital again. I did go into one of the best hospitals in the country, but hospitals is not for healing. This is the first time in a long time I'm talking openly about my wish to be dead. I just want this to be over. I never beged for help because I don't think anything can help. The only reason I'm still here is that I will hurt people in my life. This is a horrible position to be in. If I could end my life without hurting any one I would have done it. I'm the one who want to be gone, I just need to accept that people will be angry or hurt. I don't know what is worse. Suffering or hurting people after the suicide. I don't know why I'm writing here. I guess I just needed to talk. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and I have a feeling that I will be put into the hosital. I just wish there was another way to treat people who wants to commit suicide.