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Facing another hospitalization or 5150

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 5150incalif, May 21, 2007.

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  1. 5150incalif

    5150incalif Member

    After 7 years of psychotherapy, my therapist and I are at odds. The therapy has hurt me finanically and I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. I don't blame anyone, but I've been through just about everything that mental health care offers and still I'm more actively suicidal now. I'm not crying for any help, I had not talked about my behavior with my doctor for months. The last time I talked about how much I want to stop the suffering, I was place in the hosiptal (5150). Since than, I've been in the hospital three times. I only gone in once on my own, willingly. The experience of having all my rights taking away from me was life changing. I would rather die than admit myself into the hospital again. I did go into one of the best hospitals in the country, but hospitals is not for healing.

    This is the first time in a long time I'm talking openly about my wish to be dead. I just want this to be over. I never beged for help because I don't think anything can help. The only reason I'm still here is that I will hurt people in my life. This is a horrible position to be in. If I could end my life without hurting any one I would have done it. I'm the one who want to be gone, I just need to accept that people will be angry or hurt. I don't know what is worse. Suffering or hurting people after the suicide.

    I don't know why I'm writing here. I guess I just needed to talk. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and I have a feeling that I will be put into the hosital. I just wish there was another way to treat people who wants to commit suicide.
  2. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I understand and many times feel the same. it is not fun. the last few times i was scared so i ended up there for 2 days; they say it is their job, that when people are not safe or not in right mind, it is their job to keep us from hurting ourselves. WHO died and made you GOD???

    You have to be honest with dr. but know what consequence will be.
    feel free to PM if you want to talk.
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    They are the only reasons (apart from me being such a wimp) that stops me from doing anything.
    I suppose in a way its good to feel like that, it stops you doing it.
    the only downfall is that you may feel worse :sad: you cant win :hug:

    Its good that you are writing here. talk to us as much as you like. see it as a way to get everything off your chest.
    Do y'think you will go into hospital 'cause you're suicidal? if you think you can beat those thoughts, why not say nothing to the psychiatrist? if you really dont want to be in the hospital and you know you wont do anything then whats it harming?

    (sorry if im no help:sad: )
  4. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    It is this sort of thing that makes me very apprehensive about any kind of talk therapy. However, having said that, from the psychotherapist's perspective they've got to legally cover themselves from lawsuits. And I think if you come out and seriously talk about being suicidal they've got to act, otherwise if you did yourself in they've opened themselves up to a nasty lawsuit, from your estate or relatives.

    I think one of the banner ads SF runs is even from a law firm that specializes in this kind of thing. :dry: In the past I've said some really nasty things about talk therapists, but I'm kind of re-thinking my position there. Whatever their personal beliefs they're going to be looking out for their own interests. Once you realize that perhaps you could structure an approach to talk therapy that is less than 100% honest but still is possibly helpful.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    7 years of psychotherapy, might be that you feel at odds with your therapist because, either something frightening is surfacing, or he/she is no longer the right therapist for you.
    If you are feeling worse, I'm thinking this maybe an avoidance issue, something you really feel unable to face.
    Honesty with ones' therapist is imperative and perhaps telling him/her that shoving you into hospital is damaging the therapeutic process and you, should be the topic of your next session.:unsure:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree with Terry. There must be a reason you and your therapist are at odds right now. It could be something simple or more complex, who knows. You do need to share your feelings with them about hospitalization. I don't know if it really works or not. Some people have been there and said it did them a lot of good, while others have to go back time after time and they say nothing changes for them. I would hate to see you give up after fighting so long and hard. I hope things go well at your next appointment. Be upfront with them. Let us know how things are going.

    And by the way, :welcome: to SF. We are glad to have you join our community. :hug:
  7. 5150incalif

    5150incalif Member

    Thank you. I really didn't think much of anyone responding to my post. To be honest, I needed to talk and I decided to write. I've been hurt before online looking for help. I sincerely appreciate your comments. I have issues to deal with and your comments has given me a view that I couldn't see myself.

    After years of therapy I've learned that therapy is a double edged and I have to consider letting my own feelings go. I've vowed to never walk back into the hospital again. It is so hard to consider doing just that. My doctor has given me the option of admission, but she admits that it is a huge risk to take just to be considerate to my fear of hospitals. She has let me decide and said that she will trust me to do the right thing. I have never gone back on my word and have to keep this promise if our therapy should continue.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you can make the decision that is best for you in the long run. I would like to see you feel better about yourself and other things. Please stay safe. :hug:
  9. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    5150 :welcome: to the forum first off. i think you will find this to be a supportive place to be.

    i agree with gentlelady and terry it's important to remain totally honest with your therapist. maybe consider if it is time for a new one.

    i have been in therapy now for ten years and just recently have become willing to participate in a class that they swear will help minimize if not eliminate my need for hospitals. now you are talking to one who goes in about four times a year. i have finally tired of the hospital routine and became willing to give DBT a try. it's dialectical behavioral therapy and it's suppose to help the way we see things or think about things. i have gone for a few weeks now and i can see it's usefulness. it's gonna take some adjusting and practice but i can see how it just might help. i would encourage you to maybe look into it. what can it hurt?

    anyways i have gabbed your ear off enough. i just ask that you please take care of yourself and continue to talk as you feel you need. we'll be here
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