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Fact: My name should be selfish Scum

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Scum, Apr 7, 2007.

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  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    First off, I am sorry for posting again, but I guess I need this out. I apologise for the evil I am about to write.

    I try to help people in chat, and often, people tell me I am helping. This is excellent. It's great if people can feel better, and I like helping people, or rather, I did.

    It's not that I don't anymore, but I just kinda don't care at the moment. I seem to have lost my compassion. I'm getting frustrated easily, annoyed, feeling used. When someone takes something I have said on board and does something to help him/herself that still feels good that I was able to help. But that's it.

    I just don't seem to care. people pour their heart out to me and I'm like 'and...' in my head. Of course I don't show this, people still say I help and stuff, no one has turned around and said 'hey you, you don't care about what I'm saying', but I SHOULD care!

    You can't do a decent job of helping someone unless you care.

    I WANT to help, I REALLY do! but I'm too fucking selfish. I seem to be lost in my head and that's not helpful to anyone.

    I'm sorry to those that have been hurt by me, or influenced badly, or whatever.

    I'm sorry if you read this and feel bad because maybe you talk to me and felt like I cared. Don't get me wrong, somewhere inside I must care to talk to people and try to help, so please don't feel bad or worthless or anything.

    Oh my God!

    I'm so sorry
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The first rule of survival is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! You can't care for others if you are in a crisis yourself. Be kind to yourself (I certainly love you:smile: ) and love yourself. Then it might feel easier to care for and help others. :hug: :hug: :hug:


  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry.

    I don't deserve people to be nice. I could have posted anonymously, but I guess I want people to know the evil that resides in this place. I'm sorry. I truly am.

    I'm sorry you got mixed up in me Least.
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Least is right, you should be your number one priority and if you have a lot of stuff on your plate then that might contribute to how you're feeling right now. Don't apologise for posting, ever. :) You haven't hurt my feelings, I think you may need some time out right now to look after yourself. I'm here if you want to chat about anything, anytime. :hug:
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member


    please stop being so nice. I can't bear it, it's making everything worse. It's not right. I am not worthy of you being nice to me. Please

  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I didn't get you mixed up at all. I know who I'm talking to/about. Take better care of yourself and for heaven's sake - LOVE YOURSELF!!! You may be feeling like shit about yourself, and you're entitled to your feelings, but feelings, like so many other things, are temporary. Please be kinder to yourself. I love you whether you love yourself or not.

    love always,


    PS; I love you like my critters love me: JUST BECAUSE I CAN AND BECAUSE I WANT TO.
  7. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    You help so much, Scum, you really do. I see it all the time. You may not see it right now, but I really respect you.
    I'm not sure of the right words that would help.
    PM me if you ever need it.
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Amen to that! :hug:
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can't believe how nice you are all being
  10. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :hug: Believe it :tongue:

  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    You arent the only person to ever think 'and' :sad: hate it when my head goes there but sometimes you just have nothing left, compassion, empathy even sympathy seems to just disappear in a cloud of smoke...I think its a warning of overload imminent and the time to take care of yourself. it's not evil hun its just the had enough woe factor.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    This is the post I was talking about last night when you came into my chat room last night.

    I feel thoroughly evil and nasty for this post, and can't bear to inflict myself on anyone.

    I don't deserve to look after me, or think about me. I should be thinking about others, they deserve someone to listen, or help, or whatever.

    It's screwed.

    Thank you for last night, and thanks for that reply.

    Take care of yourself
  13. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    i'm curious, would you be able to give yourself some advice. that is, step back and post as if you were talking to someone else...not sure if i'm very clear, i'm rather dense, but you seem to give really good advice and it would be nice if you could benefit from some it for yourself.
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you are getting at. I have thought about this and know what I would say to someone if I was talking to them and they were saying my words. However, I also know that I don't deserve anything that might consist of good advice. I try to help others because I think they are worth it. I can't offer myself the same advice because I'm not worth it.

    I'm not even sure if that makes sense :/
  15. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    it does make sense, because i feel the same way about myself...
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Probably how you were able to make such a perceptive point :hug:
  17. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    well, i'm not very good at advice, do to my denseness, so bare with me...

    maybe you could try a cognitive approach, try to catch yourself when you are having negative thoughts and tell yourself they arent true, cuz they're not. david burns wrote about this in his book - feeling good.

    i think a first step would be for you to change screen names, it would make me feel better if you did.
  18. focus on YOU for a bit. please? i no you want to help people but the person who truly needs your help is you. 100%you. saying that ( aware that being nice will make you feel worse) all i can say is that you dont come across as a bad person and your advice is helpfull and caring. we all get fraustrated, dont be so hard on yourself. take care.
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: that's about all i can say
  20. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    Personally I dont believen the I am not worthy of love, advice or the what not.. when people give this it isnt about the others worth, it is about that they can do it, it is theirs to own.. its like the beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing, you can either take it like the treasure it is or cast it aside, you dont have to be worthy or able to receive a gift.
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