Fade to black

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by freefalling, Sep 13, 2008.

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  1. freefalling

    freefalling Active Member

    No one but me can save myself,but it's to late
    Now I can't think,think why I should even try
    Yesterday seems as though it never existed
    Death greets me warm,now I will just say goodbye.

    These lyrics have been my anthem for as long as I can remember - how sad is that.I can't remember a time when I didn't want to end my life.It has been the norm for the last 20+ years and I feel it will always be this way until the inevitable happens and I shuffle off this sad mortal existence.
    Suicidal thoughts enter my head at some stage every single day for whatever reason and when I am in good form I can just shrug them off but when I am in bad form,like I am right now,I fantasise about how I can end it all and this makes it feel like a good thing to do.
    My docs see it as acry for help,my family see it as looking for attention,I see it as a very strong longing to die.You can't do to yourself what I have done and not want to die.Failed attempts just make you feel worse and even increases your longing to get it right.I really hope that in the not to distant future that I will get it right and then I can end this misery that I call my life.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun you spoke the words that I have had trapped in my head for over 20 years. But I'm still here, not without many attempts to try and find the peace that myself and so many others keep trying to find. Dont really have any words that I can say to make it better but just wanted to let you know you arent alone in your thoughts or in the world you have been forced to live in. Drop me a pm if you want to talk. Been around long enough to know I'm a pretty good listener (lol).
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi freefalling. Can I ask you as to what is so bad about your life? Why do you want to die so badly? Everyone has problems to deal with you know? It's just a part of life. How you deal with your problems is what matters. Plus, no one knows what will happen to us after we die. Is there an after-life? Do we go to heaven? Will we reincarnate as someone else who has even more problems? Death is never the answer no matter how many failed attempts that you've tried.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello freefalling,
    You said at the beginning of your thread that sometimes you are up and sometimes down! When you are up why don't you write your thoughts down. You then have some ammo to fight off those negative thoughts and replace them with the positive ones.
    You know there are alot of paths to discover and should explore to see if you benefit from them.. I really feel for you becuse I have been like this since JR. High. I tried drowning my self and freaked out what my dad would say If by chance I would live. I have also AS about 15 years ago. Don't know if I can say how so I will close my mouth. Please Take Care!!!:chopper:!!!
     
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